Reasons to smile
by animaniacal
Summary: How Kenshin finally went about wooing Kaoru; or, how I would continue the story from the last few chapters of the manga. Unabashed Kenshin x Kaoru fluff.
1. Decision

**Reasons to smile**

How Kenshin finally went about wooing Kaoru; or, how I would continue the story from the last few chapters of the manga. A little Kenshin x Tomoe, but mainly unabashed Kenshin x Kaoru fluff.

* * *

><p>So this story comes out of my discovering Rurouni Kenshin last year (somehow I had never even heard of it? Utter weirdness), and the fact that shonen leaves 95% of the romance to the imagination. The two of them are just too damn cute; I'm a grown woman and I can't even with how cute they are.<p>

This story will be entirely from Kenshin's point of view, since I think he's who I'm currently most motivated to delve into. Anyway, I've tried to represent how I've come to understand his character from the manga.

As for some of the specifics, I did a little research on courtship and marriage in the Meiji era, and as expected it was pretty depressing. But luckily RK is fiction! So this is fiction! And I think we can agree Kenshin would be a pretty great husband to Kaoru, even by modern standards. So here is my attempt at being super canon with respect to the manga, while not being particularly historically accurate. Any mentions of how Kaoru and Kenshin's relationship would have been perceived are likely inaccurate, and lord knows I'm probably both being anachronistic and incorrect with my use of Hanakotoba. Please no judgment; though if you have sources that correct anything for me, I would love to see them.

Thanks! Hope you find my take, though similar to a lot of the great work already out there for RK, unique enough to be interesting! Please review, if you like.

(I do not own Rurouni Kenshin).

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

They had proceeded very slowly.

For three days after returning from Enishi's hideout, Kenshin flitted in and out of consciousness, unsure what was a dream and what was reality. The one thing he knew was that Kaoru was with him. She was _alive_… she was _safe_. Through the haze of medicine and pain his heart felt like bursting whenever that thought returned to him.

He woke once to feel her hand pressed on his forehead, another time to see her gently wrapping his hand in a bandage, another to see her sweetly brush his hair from his face.

After each touch, his dreams became lighter.

When he was finally recovered enough to move again, the touching diminished. They went back to the shy movements around each other from before Enishi's Jinchuu.

Kenshin became very aware of the full house; Misao constantly underfoot, Megumi coming by twice a day to check on him, Sano, Yahiko, and Kaoru's arguments, Aoshi's gloomy stares. But waking every day knowing he could see her face, after the long days of torture he had just endured… Seeing her joy at their gathered friends, he wouldn't have traded her smiles for anything. Not even privacy.

But even under the close watch of their adopted family, he noticed they were slowly increasing the chances they had to touch one another, however minimally. A tap on the shoulder, fingers brushing as they passed each other tea…

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><p>The moment he felt strong enough for the trip to Kyoto, he gathered his courage and asked Kaoru to accompany him. He needed to speak with Tomoe again, and that was where he felt her presence the strongest. He wanted Kaoru to be able to speak to her as well, to better understand the past she had been so cruelly dragged into. He also needed Kaoru there with him, for his own sake, so that… well, he was still working that through.<p>

He just knew having her close was what kept the awful dreams away, the ones where she still had a sword through her heart and a scar on her cheek…

She brightened the moment he asked her to come, but a few moments later, a blush overtook her face. "You mean, just the two of us?"

"Yes." He paused, not allowing himself to outwardly acknowledge the cause of her embarrassment. "We would go by train, and stay at the Aoiya. It shouldn't take more than a few days."

He expected more questions, or perhaps that she would ask to take someone else along with them, but instead she merely smiled and nodded.

The trip was awkward. He reserved a private room on the train, with funds that had been pressed on him by Uramura shortly after his recovery. But even though they were not in the public section, they still had to interact with train attendants. One asked if he or his wife needed anything, which caused Kaoru to gasp. He cut in quickly that they were both fine. They didn't looked each other in the eye for an hour after that.

He knew the trip was pushing the bounds of propriety, and letting those around them assume they were married was the simplest solution to preserve Kaoru's dignity. He hadn't communicated that to her, partly out of a desire not to embarrass her further, and partly because he himself was a little embarrassed by the implications of traveling alone with her.

Luckily, arriving at the Aoiya eased them from most of those awkward thoughts. They could relax with their friends. At least, until later in the evening, when Okina started making lewd comments to him as the sake dishes were passed around. Kaoru went to bed shortly after that.

The next morning they rose early, and after breakfast, walked quietly to the grave site.

* * *

><p>As they left Tomoe's grave, Kaoru took his offered hand.<p>

* * *

><p>Things moved slightly quicker after their return.<p>

The weeks before their friends departed were also hectic, but the two of them still found time most nights to sit together on the engawa, drinking tea and looking at the stars.

They talked about all sorts of things: their childhoods (though Kaoru had more stories worth sharing than he did), their thoughts on the other dojos in the area, swordsmanship, the seasons…

He told her of his birth family, and how he had come to live with Shishou. Her eyes were brimmed with tears throughout the story.

She told him more of her father, whom she had rarely spoken of as more than an idea before. He learned that Koshijiro had been, as expected, an honorable, strong man, but also distant, unaffectionate, a hard disciplinarian. Her mother's death must have taken a terrible toll on him, as Kenshin could understand all too well.

They avoided several topics. They had yet to really discuss the recent past, as he knew they needed to. He believed she was generally aware of what had happened in her absence, but he doubted the others had told her of the full extent of his despair over her apparent death. They didn't talk about the nightmares they both still suffered from at times.

They also skirted around talk of the future. Sometimes Kaoru would mention a local festival or event, and insist he would love going next year, then become quiet. Or Kenshin would mention the need to repair a section of the dojo, and how it would probably need to be undertaken in the next couple years. They would immediately change the subject.

Eventually one of their friends would come and join them, until Kaoru decided it was time to sleep. Kenshin would then sit alone until the house was still.

They had starting sitting over a foot apart, each night inching closer to one another.

* * *

><p>A few nights after Sanosuke's final departure, Yahiko now gone from their home, they sat so close that their shoulders almost touched. It was the first night they had spent alone together since Yahiko had come into their lives, a little over half a year ago. Fall had made its presence known in the past weeks, but this night was the first in some days without a heavy chill in the air. It felt more like a late summer night than only a few short weeks until the start of winter.<p>

Kaoru was excitedly recounting how she had been approached by potential students, hiding her sadness from the loss of their friends with hopes for the future of her school. That was one of the few topics about times to come that felt safe between them. She was optimistic that before the year was out, the school would be on its way back to the size it had been before the Hirumas had schemed against it.

Kenshin was listening with half his mind, the other half deep in thought about his own future.

He loved Kaoru, and knew she loved him. But that didn't mean there weren't many things that needed to be settled between them. He was older than her and… more experienced, at least in some ways, which made it his job to start this conversation. Yet he felt utterly inept at these matters.

He wanted her, but he felt selfish for it. She had asked him to stay with her always, offered him her home… but she was still so young… so innocent. Was it wrong for him to give in to their feelings, and claim her as his wife?

Kenshin was already missing Sanosuke. The younger man would have smacked him and called him an idiot, if he were still here. During their farewell, Sano had made it explicitly clear he expected to see the two married the next time they met.

Even without Sano to say it, Kenshin knew he was being stupid. He had already been incalculably selfish with regards to Kaoru. He'd practically ruined her chances to make a more respectable… appropriate… match when he had originally agreed to stay with her. And returning with her from Kyoto… it had almost led to her death. The whole town had thought her dead, from some terrible fight brought on by her connection to him. But then they had brought her back alive, in mysterious circumstances… Her reputation was likely in tatters at this point.

Which led him to another worry; would she possibly think he was only making his offer out of a feeling of obligation?

As she cheerfully talked about her hopes for the future of her school, he allowed himself to merely look at her, taking in her form. Gods, she was so lovely! Even with the sad events of the past few weeks, every gesture she made was full of life. Her smile went to every part of her body, lifting her shoulders, arching her back, lighting her eyes from within.

He wanted to be with her forever.

With a deep breath, he made the decision, one he had known he would make for a long time now. One that would once again change his life from the course he had thought to follow forever.

He would cease his idiotic worrying. He would act like a proper suitor, and in a short time, ask her to marry him. They had come too close to losing one another for him to continue to hesitate. He had just needed a little time for them to heal together, here in their home.

Kaoru became quiet, the hour late, the only light that of the harvest moon and the stars. As the silence stretched, he knew the time was right.

He tentatively extended his hand, and laid it on hers. She slowly raised her head, a beautiful, fragile look of hope shining in her eyes. He smiled at her, leaning in to touch their shoulders together. They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, eyes, hands, shoulders meeting.

"Your smile… it…" Kaoru said softly.

"Hm?" Kenshin said, urging her to continue.

Kaoru looked down, her eyes full of moisture.

"It reached your eyes."

Kenshin slowly put his other hand under her chin, and lifted her face to look into his again.

"Yes. You've been teaching this one to smile properly, like you always do."

He wanted to kiss her, but he did not wish to rush this. Instead, he moved his hand from her chin to lightly cup her cheek.

"You give this unworthy one many reasons to smile."

Her expression remained tentative, almost as if she was afraid. He took a deep breath, and moved his hand from her chin to take her other hand, slowly raising them both into a standing position.

"Kaoru-dono… this one… I… would like to ask your permission to court you. Kaoru… may I be your suitor?"

Her face immediately broke into the warmest, happiest expression he had ever seen, almost luminescent from the light of the moon.

"Yes, yes, Kenshin! I… I love you."

"I love you as well… Kaoru."

They stood there, their hands intertwined, silly smiles on their faces. He felt like laughing, but in some ways, crying as well. He felt too much… so he turned, keeping hold of one of her hands, and walked her towards her room. He could feel her surprise.

Outside her room, he stroked her cheek again. "Goodnight, Kaoru."

She bit her lip, looking down at the floor with a strange look on her face. Then she was blushing.

At that moment an overwhelming thought burned through his mind: did she… did she want him to come in?! His innocent Kaoru?!

He felt his pulse quicken. He was not prepared for, for _that_. He was _definitely_ not prepared yet. But if he was interpreting her correctly, he did not wish to make her feel ashamed… and if he was wrong, he didn't want to… to _scare _her…

He leaned forward, and lightly brushed her forehead with his lips.

Then he turned and quickly walked to his room.

"Goodnight, Kenshin." She said to him, softly.

He paused for a moment at his door, allowing himself a moment to regain composure, then he turned to her. She was watching him, her blue eyes brilliant even in the dim light, expression unreadable. Finally, he smiled at her, then entered his room and pulled the door closed behind him. He stood with his back against the door for another moment, quieting his racing heart, then moved to prepare for bed as quickly as possible.

Falling on his futon with a heavy plop, he knew sleep would be a long time coming.


	2. Anxiety

Thanks for the nice reviews! Now… who's ready for some Kenshin angst?

This is a bit of head-canon indulgence on my part, but I do think it is important for setting up what I've written later.

Don't worry, things go back to being cute in the next chapter.

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

Kenshin got almost no sleep that night.

His mind was consumed with thoughts of what until that night had been just a furtive dream. But after tonight… being with Kaoru would soon be a blissful reality.

However, if admitting his love for her was difficult, admitting his _lust _for her… that was a separate matter for him, one he was still coming to terms with.

The realization had come slowly, that he loved this fierce, messy, bold, demanding girl; this girl who was too trusting, but willing to accept the consequences of her actions; quick to anger; brave in the face of any danger; a girl who knew her mind and her heart, and wouldn't hesitate to fight for what she believed in. She was flawed but perfect, clumsy but pure; to him, beautiful in every way.

He refused to see her hurt ever again. But at that thought, deeply buried memories from his past, from his time with Tomoe, started coming back.

Memories of Tomoe's sharp gasps, small movements, shining eyes.

The shameful realizations that had come from reading her diary.

He had thought himself already too numb to feel anything else. And yet, sitting there, despondent, broken, her murderer, then reading through her diary to discover that she had been harboring hatred for him on their marriage bed…. what impossibly terrible knowledge to know that pleasurable memories for him had been at best bittersweet for the one he loved…

She did not speak directly of their consummation in her diary, but the entries from around that time were conflicted and short, and mentioned pain, grief, and… disappointment. He moaned inside his mind, remembering. Their first few times being physically intimate… he hadn't known what he was doing.

He knew little of women before joining the Ishin Shishi, most of his childhood spent training with Shishou away from society. Shishou's tutelage regarding women and sex had mainly consisted of rude jokes, followed shortly by jabs at his stupid apprentice's girlish looks and size. Growing up with Hiko Seijuro as a guardian had hardly left him in a healthy place regarding_ any _sort emotional relationship, let alone a sexual one.

He had gone to the red light district a few times early on in his time in Kyoto, with the other men he was stationed with, but being only fourteen, hadn't done much more than watch the geisha dance and listen to the men and women around him talk and joke about the act of love.

The night before his first assignment, Iizuka had insisted on paying for a woman for him. He had been so nervous and on edge that the woman, beautiful and coquettish, had only gotten as far as stroking him for a couple minutes before he came, and in his embarrassment, he had hastily left the establishment. The other men had teased him… but after a few assassinations, the teasing abated, mostly replaced with wary awe. And as his nights as a hitokiri continued, his interest in most things, including women, had also abated. The other men would sometimes bring women home. But he, a boy in many ways, a broken man already in others, never had.

Until Tomoe.

He turned over on his futon, wishing the memories away. They refused to leave, of course.

Their first night as man and wife was also their first in the Otsu cottage. She had served him dinner, and after an hour or so of awkward silence as she wrote in her diary and he stared out at the fields, he had moved to prepare for bed.

She had been a perfect Edo woman inside and out. Maintaining that veneer, always doing what was expected, every motion that which was taught to her from birth as the correct mode of interacting with the world, he supposed that was how she kept from breaking inside from the pain of losing her fiancé, the pain of living with him. The armor of tradition was so much a part of her, it had fused with her true personality.

He could understand that now, after so many years of living within his wanderer persona, attempting to control and shape his own personality.

So of course, back during that first night in Otsu, when he moved to go to bed, she had done the same.

They had lain side by side for a few moments, until he awkwardly rolled himself on top of her. She hadn't protested; in fact, he did not remember her saying anything for the rest of the night. She responded to his kisses, moved as he indicated, but she hadn't made any move of her own accord.

She made noises, including a rather loud cry when he finally managed to place himself inside of her, after minutes of fumbling. In the back of his mind he noticed something tear within her, but his senses were so overloaded that he mindlessly continued. It wasn't long until he felt his completion coming, overwhelming him. He managed to pull himself out of her, gasping and shaking as he spilled himself onto the futon. At least he had known _that_ much… a pregnancy was the last thing they could have dealt with. Exhausted by the day and the act, he had fallen asleep almost immediately.

When he woke the next morning, he saw the stains on the futon. Including ones that were unmistakably dried blood.

Tomoe was already up, breakfast ready. She had moved to wash the sheets after he finished eating, without a word to him about it.

He didn't try again for a couple weeks, for which he could tell she was grateful.

* * *

><p>Kenshin was determined to have Kaoru and his first time be infinitely more tender. He wanted desperately to please her, to give her as much happiness as she had already given him. However… he was definitely concerned about his ability to do so.<p>

The later months with Tomoe had contained pleasurable memories for both of them, once they had grown closer and he had discovered how to make her feel something similar to how he felt when touched by her. Reaching back to those memories, possibly more painful to recall than those of their first awkward joinings, he could remember some of the things he had learned of a woman's body and how it liked to be touched.

But… every woman was different, no? Even when passionate, Tomoe had been quiet, demure. Kaoru… she was about as different in personality from Tomoe as a person could be. Could he bring such a fiery woman pleasure?

He felt himself hardening at the thought. Well, perhaps…

But he wanted them to ease into it, for his sake as much as hers. He had not been with a woman in 14 years... the prospect of reviving his long-dormant desires made him incredibly nervous.

The years fighting in Kyoto after Tomoe's death, he couldn't remember having any sexual thoughts. He had been so broken by her death and the realization that the life of a hitokiri was tearing him apart inside. All his energy went to numbing himself from those feelings, there was nothing left for anything else.

But once the war was over… the early years of his wanderings had been difficult in so many ways, but dealing with his passions was one of the hardest. It was the first time he had ever had really lived in the world, other than as a small boy or a hardened warrior. And with the Meiji era had come all sorts of new ways for men and women to meet. Women could own property, women could work and move more freely than before. He of course believed this to be a very positive change, but it did not do well for him physically, to meet with women on a near daily basis.

He had spent many mornings as a nineteen year old waking from illicit dreams, groaning, straining uncomfortably under his hakama. There had been days when he could think of nothing but how desperately he wanted a woman. Several times he had even been tempted to go to a brothel, though ultimately he never did. He could not forget that the three women who had protected him as a child were destined for such a life, nor the probability that had the bandits not attacked, _he_ would have ended up working in such an establishment. Moreover, he didn't believe he deserved to be close to another woman, in any capacity, not after what had happened to Tomoe… what _he _had done to Tomoe.

But he could not forget to add his lack of funds to that list.

As the years passed, he found ways to dull his urges. Part of it was likely just growing older. Part of it was that he slowly became a different person, one who could at almost all times control his emotions and actions.

Now, here he was… almost thirty, eleven long years older than his beloved, and physically… not in his top form. And tonight was the first time he had ever allowed himself to view her love for him as that of a woman, with her own desires.

Instead of trying to bottle his own urges, he was now worried that he wouldn't be able to match _hers_.

He tossed and turned for rest of the night, flipping between anxious desires for the woman in the other room, and cringes at painful memories of the woman he had once loved.


	3. Gift

Again, thanks for the reviews!

**kaoruca**: Oh yes, that goes without saying. I should have put a sentence in about that, maybe something about erotic Nishiki-e... but let's give the poor guy the reprieve of not reliving _every _depressing moment in his flashback.

**CATA**: Unpretentious is a great compliment; I tend to worry my writing is too sparse, so that was good to hear. As for hearing from Kaoru, my plan so far is all from Kenshin's point of view. I find him easier to write for, being close to him in age and very much an introvert. He's also very perceptive, and she's pretty much an open book regarding him, so I hope what she's thinking is usually clear. They'll have long conversations later, though!

But alright, now that we're all caught up on Kenshin's past, getting back to the fun…

Seriously though, I'm sure I'm being super anachronistic and generally incorrect with Hanakotoba, but just go with it.

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

He rose very early the next morning, and quickly set that morning's breakfast cooking. Satisfied that it wouldn't burn in the next half hour, he wrote a note letting Kaoru know where he was, and practically ran to town.

Late into the night, a partial answer to his turmoil had come to him. He needed to speak through his feelings with Kaoru.

Certainly not _all_ of them. He wouldn't burden her with the worst of his fears of inadequacy as a lover… but she needed to know where any hesitancy on his part came from. He had learned that hiding things from a loved one led to heartache and sorrow, from Tomoe not confiding in him about their desperate situation… if only…

But even in this less dramatic situation, if Kaoru did not understand his feelings, he could end up hurting her own. They shared a deep connection, one that often went far beyond what any words could convey. But there were still so many things they needed to say to one another. He wanted their courtship to be romantic, but it also needed to be time for them to deal with the hurts they had lived through, both in their separate lives and in the past few months together.

Then there was the issue he went to town for. His slightly impulsive declaration last night was uncharacteristic, as it meant he hadn't properly prepared for today.

He needed a courting gift. An amazing, heartfelt… inexpensive courting gift. Something that represented the enormity of his feelings for her, and the overwhelming honor he felt that she would even consider allowing him into her heart. But also something that Kaoru could accept wholeheartedly, without worrying over the cost. Well, he wasn't expecting to find something that would fulfill all those wishes, but he wanted to get as close as possible.

He went to the shopping district, mind split between many ideas… a ribbon? Like the one he had ruined? Or would that bring back memories of her kidnappings… that might be unwise. Maybe something sweet to eat? Was that too impersonal? Wine was traditional now, but only for the actual wedding, and Kaoru didn't do well with alcohol…

He was still contemplating, anxious to make a decision quickly before Kaoru woke and their breakfast burned, when he saw Tae walking with Tsubame up ahead.

"Kenshin-san!" Tae waved, Tsubame beaming up at him from her side. The little girl had been much less awkward around him ever since their meeting in that cursed village, when she had asked him to help Yahiko. He was infinitely grateful to the two children, and prayed he could live up to the trust they had in him.

"Tae-dono, Tsubame-dono, good morning."

"What brings you to town so early?" Tae asked when they reached him.

He realized he didn't have a good excuse ready. He briefly considered making something up, but then decided to use this meeting to his advantage.

He was a very private person, and would have preferred to keep his and Kaoru's new understanding to themselves for a little longer… then again, Kaoru probably didn't feel the same. Tae would likely learn of the situation today regardless.

"Ano, Tae-dono, this is actually quite fortunate. This one would appreciate both your help."

They made happy noises of assent, clearly very curious about what help he could possibly want from them.

"Would either of you have a suggestion for a gift that this one could give to Kaoru-dono?" He knew he wouldn't need to say more; the two women would know what him coming to town specifically to get Kaoru a gift would signify.

Tsubame brought her hands up to mouth to stifle an excited squeak, and Tae's eyes became large.

Well, he supposed he _had_ been dithering for a while…

"Flowers. Most definitely flowers. Come, we will help you get the correct ones." Tae grabbed his sleeve, and with only time for a short "oro", she dragged him over to a flower stand, Tsubame struggling to keep up.

* * *

><p>Kaoru was not up by the time Kenshin returned from town.<p>

For that he was grateful, because he was still blushing from the attention he had received on his way back to the dojo. It seemed that half the town now knew of Kenshin's intentions towards Kaoru, from the amount of attention his parcel of flowers received.

Of course, Tae and Tsubame's loud debate as to which flowers Kenshin should buy had started it all. Anyone who passed seemed to pause to watch the three of them as they considered his options. Many people Kenshin recognized, and many he didn't, stopped to crane their heads towards the small flower stand. He knew he had become rather notorious in town, after everything that had happened, but the amount of interest in his business felt rather ridiculous.

"I think he should get tsubaki flowers, all three colors. She loves them, and they fit the occasion!" Tae said excitedly.

"White too?" Tsubame seemed a little uncertain.

"They'll look better as a group; and he can say he picked them because they match her favorite kimono."

"But… I don't think she'll like the meaning…"

Kenshin was a little lost. Of course he knew that flowers had meanings, but he had never learned them. The two girls were being rather loud, so he was reluctant to ask them questions, since everyone on the street would hear the answer. But he did need to know what meaning they were thinking of having him convey to Kaoru. "What meaning do tsubaki hold?"

Tsubame blushed. Tae however seemed unfazed, and answered him with a light smile on her face.

"Well, a red tsubaki signifies feelings of love; yellow, longing and desire; and white, the wish for your loved one to wait for you. I think the white complements the yellow and red nicely, and makes the whole presentation prettier, don't you?"

He surprised them by agreeing immediately.

"Yes, you are right, Tae-dono. This one will take a set of those three colors." He nodded to the patient florist, and handed him the necessary amount of money. It was a little more expensive than he wanted, as flowers were out of season, but time was running out and he believed Kaoru would like them.

"Well, now that _that's _all settled, we need to get on with our purchases, or we'll be late to open. Do say hello to Kaoru-chan for us. Perhaps the two of you would like to come eat at the Akabeko tonight?" Tae asked, a sly look on her face.

Kenshin smiled his best rurouni smile and bowed to the two of them.

"If Kaoru-dono is free then this one is sure we will come by. Now this one must hurry back to the dojo to prepare breakfast. Thank you very much for your help."

"Any time! See you soon!"

* * *

><p>Though he had tried to hurry back home, he ended up being stopped by a dozen or so people. Students from the neighboring dojos, police officers he had worked with, friends of Sano's… they were all very interested in the bouquet of flowers in his hands, waving and laughing and smirking at him.<p>

How had he come to know so many people?

Throughout the walk he found himself contemplating more and more the meaning of the flowers. The red flower signifying love seemed simple enough; they had admitted their love for each other last night. As for the other two… He suspected Tae was teasing them by suggesting the yellow and white flowers, but longing and waiting was exactly the combination he needed to say. He wanted Kaoru to know that he did desire her, but there were still feelings they needed to discuss, waiting that needed to be done.

But Tsubame had implied she didn't think Kaoru wanted to wait…

That was when his blush started to form.

By the time he arrived home he was starting to regret the morning's enterprise. The _whole_ town would know Himura Kenshin had given Kamiya Kaoru flowers by the time they went to the Akabeko that evening. It would certainly be an interesting experience, going through the same attention as this morning, but with Kaoru at his side…

He set the flowers in a vase, and fiddled with them until they looked as good as he could make them. Hiding them behind a few bags of rice, he went to check on breakfast. He had timed everything perfectly; the miso soup was done. As he was pulling the soup off the fire, he heard the kitchen door open.

"Oi, Kenshin, is breakfast… yatta!" Yahiko said as he entered the kitchen.

Kenshin plastered on a smile and turned to the boy, a little disappointed that he and Kaoru would not have time alone that morning.

"Good morning, Yahiko. Yes, breakfast has just finished."

"Great! Kaoru said she had big plans for today's practice, so I wanna to be sure to eat up!"

"That you should, that you should." Another disappointment. He had hoped they could take a walk by the river together that afternoon, but if Kaoru and Yahiko had big training plans, she might not have free time until that evening, and it seemed all three of them would be going to the Akabeko.

Well, he _had _bought the white tsubaki flowers.

Yahiko came over to help pour the soup into bowls, which was when Kenshin finally got a good look at him. Yahiko was grinning, more so than usual. He wondered… he hadn't seen the boy in town, but could he have already heard?

Yahiko answered the question for him.

"I ran into Tae and Tsubame on my way over this morning. I have to work today, but they said you and Kaoru should come eat dinner with us." He definitely knew, and was fidgeting with an attempt to appear casual.

"Yes, this one saw them this morning _too_." The boy twitched a little at the quirk in Kenshin's tone. "If Kaoru would like to, then we will certainly go this evening, that we will."

"Good." There was a brief silence, before Yahiko finally seemed to burst.

"So can I see them? The flowers?"

Kenshin sighed, then smiled.

"Only if you promise to give Kaoru-dono and this one a few minutes alone today, so this one can give them to her."

"Sure, sure, no problem. So? Does this mean you asked her then? When's it going to be?" Yahiko already seemed distracted from the flowers. Likely he did not care to see them so much as to confirm they existed.

"When's what going to be?" Came a voice from the door.

They both looked over as Kaoru walked in.

She looked lovely. Of course, Kenshin thought she looked lovely every day, but there was something about her appearance that morning that affected him more so than usual. She was wearing her practice gi and hakama, but her face was shining, her movements soft and light.

"Good morning, Kaoru-dono," he said, sure his voice betrayed how he was feeling.

"Good morning, Kenshin." She shyly looked into his eyes for a moment.

Then she quickly turned an annoyed look to Yahiko. "When's what going to be?"

Meanwhile Yahiko had sat down and started scarfing down a bowl of soup. "You're –mmff– late –sllurp– Kaoru! I was wondering –slomph– when you were going to get up!"

"Hey! I've been waking you up for months now, excuse me for not thinking you would be on time the first day you didn't sleep here!" Kaoru yelled angrily at him, sitting down with her own bowl.

Kenshin shook his head with a smile. Clearly the boy was pleased the two of them were coming to an understanding, but he could sure ruin a mood.

"Did you sleep well, Kaoru-dono?" He asked, sitting down with them as well. He thought she looked a little tired.

Her eyes flashed up at him, before looking away with her usual smile. "Yes, very well. Did you, Kenshin?"

"Hai, hai." He said, lying easily. "Yahiko says he saw Tae-dono and Tsubame-dono this morning, and that they were hoping to see us tonight at the Akabeko. Would you like to eat there for dinner, Kaoru-dono?"

"That would be very nice, Kenshin. We are running a little low on groceries right now." She still wasn't looking him in the eyes, but her expression was cheerful. "Yahiko, what time do you need to be there?"

The boy took a brief break from his food. "Oh, I gotta go right after practice, but you two can come later. There's some big party early on, so we'll be slower later anyway."

"Oh, alright." Kaoru seemed somewhat anxious at that idea.

She couldn't be uncomfortable with the idea of being alone with him, could she?

Her cheeks suddenly flushed, and she quickly got up from the table. "I'm going to prepare the dojo, come when you're ready, Yahiko!" She was grinning as she did whenever she was flustered or nervous… her discomfort was causing him to feel strange himself…

"Busu, you barely ate!"

That got her to change her expression, to an angry smirk. "Well, _you're _the one who's going to need as much energy as possible, if you hope to make it through what I have planned for today!" She was still blushing, though, as she left the room.

"Hmph, as if you could tire me out!" Yahiko shoveled the rest of his breakfast into his mouth and ran after her.

Kenshin sighed. Yahiko had definitely ruined the mood. He'd have to give Kaoru the flowers after practice.

Then he would see what about being alone with him was making her nervous…


	4. Distraction

**epicCookie**: Thanks! More romance to come.

**SesshaKenshin**: Wow, thanks! *Nervous sweating* I, um, am a really big fan of your lemons…

Ok, moving right along.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

Now that it was only him and Kaoru living at the dojo, it took very little time to finish the laundry. He even dawdled over what little there was to do, enjoying listening the clash of bokkens and shouts from the dojo.

He wanted distraction today.

The longer he waited to give Kaoru his gift, the more anxious he became. Her nervousness from breakfast was seeping into his consciousness with every passing moment. They had finally admitted their feelings for each other and come to an understanding; he hadn't thought that would make them _more_ self-conscious around each other.

There had been a period, after the fight with Jin'eh, but before Kyoto, when the two of them had shared an ease around each other like he had never known around another person. It was as if her spiritedness had infected him, making him feel younger, cheerier, more like his outer shell than his inner demons had ever allowed.

After their return from Kyoto, their easy friendship had become strained by the shadow of secrets unshared. His desire to speak with her now about all the things still hidden in his heart came from the hope that it would allow him to regain the comfort he had felt around her. As it was now… he hadn't felt this flustered around another person in a long time.

Perhaps that would only fade as they became more intimate…

Yes. Distraction. He decided to sweep the kitchen.

Finally it was noon. As Kaoru and Yahiko seemed utterly engrossed in the dojo, he brought their lunch to them.

Yahiko let out a relieved sigh when Kenshin sat down by the entrance to the dojo with a tray of onigiri. He was sweating and clearly in need of a break. But before Yahiko moved to join Kenshin, the boy quickly looked to Kaoru, who held his gaze for a moment, then nodded. Yahiko bowed respectfully to her.

He was becoming such a wonderful young man, Kenshin thought with a burst of affection.

The three of them sat on the engawa eating companionably, Kaoru seemingly more relaxed than that morning. Kenjutsu always had that effect on her, he had noticed.

"Practice is going well, Kaoru-dono, Yahiko?"

They both nodded, mouths full of rice. Yahiko took the opportunity to launch into a full description of what they had done that morning. Kenshin was listening patiently when he sensed there were people at the gate.

"It seems we have visitors, Kaoru-dono." He glanced at her. Her expression became excited; these did not appear to be unexpected guests.

"Yes, I was hoping they would come today. Yahiko, we will wait in the dojo. Kenshin, could you send them in to us?"

So that was who it was. He went to the gate, and greeted the three boys standing there. They looked to be about Yahiko's age, perhaps a little younger, and all wore training clothes. They looked at him shyly, and bowed.

"Ano, Himura-san, may we enter? We have come to train," one of the boys said.

Kenshin smiled as he bowed back to them. "Yes, of course. Kamiya-sensei and Myojin-senpai are waiting in the dojo. Please, come in."

* * *

><p>Kenshin shifted nervously on his cushion.<p>

The three boys to his right were all kneeling, looking at the two fighters in front of them with rapt attention.

He was a little surprised at himself for agreeing to watch as well. But Kaoru had pointed out they needed a judge, and he was the only one who could fill that role.

The two had been feeling each other out for many long minutes now, trying a few moves to see what the other was planning. This was their first real match in months, given all the disruptions of late. The boys gasped and stared with wide-eyed admiration as Kaoru and Yahiko executed increasingly complicated passes, each designed to prepare for a even more impressive attack.

Finally Yahiko made a decisive move.

Kenshin could see in just that one stroke how much the boy had improved, even since the fight on Enishi's island. His confidence and ki had grown as his wounds had healed, and now his movements had a power that had never been there before.

But Kaoru still had more experience.

She deftly blocked his blow, using his power against him, diverting it to land a hit on his thighs.

"One." Kenshin said.

* * *

><p>Though Yahiko had managed to land a hit of his own, Kaoru was the undisputed winner of the match. Once they were finished, they had bowed to each other, and Kaoru had turned to her new students to quiz them on what they had seen.<p>

Kenshin remained for the rest of the lesson, getting up only once to make tea for them all.

He… had greatly enjoyed watching them practice. Kaoru was a talented teacher, firm but encouraging. He could almost visualize how her father's example informed her own teaching, but with her bright and kind spirit, he thought her instruction must be even more effective. The three boys were clearly already awestruck by her.

Though throughout the lesson he had found it difficult to focus on anyone but Kaoru. So much for distraction…

When the afternoon was almost at a close, he quietly removed himself from the dojo to prepare the bath. The boys left a few minutes later chattering away about everything they had learned, and who they should get to join them next time. They waved to him, calling out their thanks and excitement to see him tomorrow, and he fondly smiled and waved goodbye.

Kaoru's dream was coming true.

Yahiko staggered towards the bath once the new students were well out of sight, clearly exhausted. Kenshin had been impressed by his maturity and skill at teaching today as well, but he was finally showing all the effort it had taken to maintain his energy after a long morning of running drills with Kaoru. But his eyes were bright.

Yahiko knew how important today was, as well.

"Well, that was exhausting, Kenshin. I can see why you never want to teach! It's so hard!"

"Oro? It seemed that you were enjoying it, Yahiko. They were very attentive students."

"Hmm… it looked to _me_ like you were lookin' _elsewhere _for the entire lesson, Kenshin. I'm surprised you noticed me at all!"

Kenshin's face immediately became bright red.

"Oro… was it… was it that obvious?"

If possible, his blush got deeper. He shouldn't be talking about this with _Yahiko_. However he tried to act, the boy was still a boy, especially concerning these matters.

"Hmm… prolly just to me. I know you too well." The boy was sporting a light flush himself, though it might have been from the exercise. He looked a bit silly… like he was trying his best to sound and act like Sanosuke. Kenshin almost laughed at that thought, but contained himself.

"Well, I'm just going to rinse myself off quickly. I don't want to be late." Yahiko disappeared into the bathhouse.

A couple minutes later, a little wet but clean, he came out. He fixed Kenshin with a nervous stare. "Kenshin, um…"

"Yes, Yahiko?"

"I'm glad things are going well with you and Kaoru. She… she is very important to me, even if it doesn't seem like it all the time. So… so you'll be respectful, right?" Yahiko was definitely blushing, and not from exercise.

Kenshin was touched by the boy's words. Of course he knew how much Yahiko loved Kaoru, but it was a rare event for him to admit it. He was really showing today how much he had grown…

"Of course, Yahiko-kun. This one understands you, and will keep your words in his mind." He clapped his hand on the boy's shoulder. "We will see you at the Akabeko. This one is always happiest when we eat together, as a family."

Yahiko beamed, looking again like the boy he was. "Well, then… I gotta get going. BYE KAORU!" He called out, before hurrying out the gate.

Kaoru was still in the dojo, in the midst of her post-practice meditation. Kenshin walked quietly to the dojo entrance, and leaned his arm against the door, admiring her as she sat quietly in contemplation. Such a strong, brave, beautiful girl. No… woman… _His_ woman.

She stood and turned, a little surprised to see him standing there. Her faint blush from that morning returned.

"Thank you for your help today, Kenshin," she said, walking towards him.

"Of course, Kaoru-dono. You are a magnificent teacher, and this one did very little." She stopped a couple paces away from him.

"Iie, Kenshin, I am sure the boys tried extra hard knowing you were watching." She did not seem jealous or saddened by that thought, something he always looked for. She instead seemed… proud? Proud that he had been there with them? Kenshin wasn't sure.

Perhaps she was simply happy he had been there to share in this important part of her life.

"The bath is ready for you, Kaoru-dono. Is there anything you would like this one to do before we head to the Akabeko? This one feels that he has been rather lazy today." He gave her a silly smile, hoping to get one in return.

She obliged him, closing her eyes and giving him her sweetest smile as she waved her hands in protest. "Oh, no, Kenshin, go relax, I'll be ready to go soon."

"Take your time, Kaoru." He impulsively leaned forward to catch one of her waving hands and held it in lightly. "It will be a beautiful evening again, and Yahiko told us not to rush."

She opened her eyes, blush still in place, but looking very happily into his eyes. "Mmm. I… I will."

He reluctantly let go of her hand, and watched longingly as she walked to the bath.

* * *

><p>He was beginning to regret telling her to take her time. Once she had left the bathhouse for her room, he had quickly changed into his nicest gi, the black one, and his cleanest hakama. Then he had fetched the vase of flowers, and had been sitting on the engawa waiting for her for what felt like ages, as the sun crept lower in the sky.<p>

He went over and over in his mind what to say as he gave her the flowers. Their interaction outside the dojo had both calmed _and_ excited him. She appeared to be getting used to their renewed closeness, but his ardor for her had only increased throughout the day. Watching her spin around the dojo had been very… arousing to him, he had to admit.

How had he gotten so lucky?

He was just about to check on her when she came into view. He had to catch his breath at the sight.

"Is it too much?" Kaoru asked him, shyly.

"Iie."

She was wearing a furisode, one he had never seen on her before, one with large red and white flowers and dramatic black background. Her hair was done up in a lovely bun, her eyes shadowed with light paint. She looked every inch a woman, beautiful and bold.

He barely managed to suppress a groan, as images of removing that beautiful kimono floated through his mind. He couldn't stop his stare, though, and she noticed.

"Kenshin? Are… are you alright?"

"Yes… and no. Gomen." He stood with his flowers and walked over to her. "You look… stunning." He handed the vase to her.

"Thank you." She gasped, a sweet blush on her face. "_These_ are stunning. Thank you, Kenshin!" She went to place them on the table in the closest room. He followed her and stood at her side, brimming with happiness. Everything he had planned to say had gone out of his mind, but it seemed that words were unnecessary at the moment.

She was rearranging them when her face changed slightly. "Kenshin?"

"Hm?"

She looked at him, studying his face intently. "Do you know the meaning of these flowers?"

"Yes, Tae-dono and Tsubame-dono helped me pick them."

Suddenly she was frowning at him. "Ken-shiin…" She turned away in a huff.

His mind was still in a muddle, not sure how to react to her sudden displeasure, especially now that he could not see her face. He reached out to touch her shoulder.

However, just as he laid his hand on her, she spun around to face him. He didn't have any time to study her face, because she leaned forward in a flash and her lips were on his.


	5. Recognition

You guys have been really lovely with all the reviews! *shameless request for more*

**epicCookie**: Channeling Cookie Monster, are we? :)

**CATA**: I've been fast because 1) this is the head-canon I've been ruminating over since I finished the manga a few months back, and 2) I wrote most of this in the week and a half I took off for the holidays. Updates will be a little slower now that I'm back at work.

Oof, of course you're right, I didn't mean to imply he is _easy_ to write for, I definitely don't think that. I guess I meant "easier" in the sense that I am more motivated to try writing from his perspective, than I am for a teenage girl like Kaoru. Don't get me wrong, I love Kaoru, and also don't get me wrong, I have a special place in my heart for teenage girls, they are all rock stars. But I don't necessarily feel like diving back into that mindset, as much as I do for a tortured soul like Kenshin. My impetus for writing this story was finishing the manga and pondering over what Kenshin was feeling and thinking, deciding who he was. The backstory chapters really throw you for a loop, and make him such a compelling character. There are very few characters like him out there.

Yes, developing his "action plan" sounds about right, though the last two chapters were also meant to show that for all his intelligence, Kenshin still sometimes has trouble understanding the women around him… Hope this next chapter lives up to your expectations!

Alright! Moving on! I hope you enjoy… I'm curious if people were expecting this…

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><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

The sun was setting, radiating brilliant red and gold hues across the evening sky, as they walked side by side into town.

Kenshin was still in a bit of a daze.

They had kissed for a few moments, lips meeting softly, before Kenshin gently pulled away. Even Kaoru had a stunned look in her eyes as they gazed at each other.

He reached and pulled one of the red tsubaki blossoms from the vase at their side, and placed it behind her ear.

"The flower matches your kimono." He said, unable to stop himself from smiling.

She nodded, blushing still from her boldness, he assumed. Wanting her to smile too, he leaned in again and touched their foreheads together.

She did smile as she pulled away to look up at him again.

"Are you ready to go?" He held out his hand out to her, which she took without hesitation.

"Yes, Kenshin. Let's go."

They walked down the familiar path, silently holding hands. Kenshin only let her go when he saw someone coming up ahead.

She had kissed him.

Her lips had tasted sweet, and a little tart, like a fresh summer berry. Part of him wanted to drag her off the path to some secluded spot and spend the rest of the night kissing her silly.

One kiss had definitely not been enough.

He glanced over at her. She looked happy for the most part… but there was something in her expression, some uncertainty, that he didn't like. He supposed now was as good a time as ever to go through with his decision to be more open with her. He would start by figuring out what had upset her, leading to their kiss.

"Did you like the flowers, Kaoru?" He asked, looking at her eyes to check her reaction.

She nodded, expression unchanged. "Mm. Especially the red ones." She lightly fingered the one in her hair, as if to check that it was still there.

"What about… the yellow ones?" She had seemed nervous to be around him today… could the thought of him desiring her be what had upset her?

She stopped walking. Worried, he took her hand again. But at his touch, she pulled away, an angry, yet vulnerable look entering her eyes.

"Kenshin… you aren't leaving, are you?"

"Kaoru?" He was a little shocked. Was _that_ what had disturbed her? Had he really not made himself clear last night?

His confusion seemed to reassure her, and she looked at the ground, the angry look starting to leave her face.

"I just… the white tsubaki… that's sort of what I thought…"

Watching her stand there, twisting her hands, he couldn't stop himself. He pulled her bodily into his arms, getting a surprised squeak from her.

"No, no, of course not, Kaoru. I am here to stay."

She tentatively raised her arms up his back, pulling him even closer. His heart fluttered, to feel her body on his, for the second time, on this path they had walked together so many times before.

She felt wonderful in his arms, unlike the first time he had held her close like this. Then it had been all he could do to not react to the feel of her tears on his shoulder, the sound of her cries as he walked away, knowing he wouldn't be able to shake the feeling of her warmth even as he planned never to return to it. Now that warmth was flooding him again, but it created only heavenly feelings of contentment and delight within him.

"I am your suitor, ne? I am here as long as you want me." Which would be forever, if he could manage to deserve that from her.

"Baka, Kenshin." She murmured into his shoulder.

He couldn't argue with that. What an utter idiot he was; after all that conviction this morning to start being straightforward, his first courting act had confused and upset her. Though he couldn't fully regret it, having receiving her kiss, and now holding her in his arms…

After a pause, she pulled away, and started walking ahead of him, her good mood restored.

"We should hurry! Yahiko will be very angry if he has to wait to eat dinner on my account, whatever he says!"

He nodded in agreement, mainly to the idea of hurrying to the Akabeko. The sooner they got there, the sooner they would be able to head home. It was unacceptable that she was still insecure about his intentions; they would have to start the conversations he had been planning later that night. And maybe then he would get another kiss…

* * *

><p>As they approached the entrance to the new Akabeko, Kenshin had a sudden premonition.<p>

He definitely should not have asked for Tae's help that morning.

Seemingly everyone he knew in town cheered as they came in the door. There had to be at least thirty people, maybe more. Kaoru turned and gripped his arm, her face bright red, as Tae came over towards them.

"Did… did you do this Kenshin?" Kaoru hissed at him.

"No, of course not, Kaoru-dono! This one would not have done this without asking you…"

"Kaoru-chan! Kenshin-san! Come in, come in! We've been waiting for you!" She put her hands on their shoulders and pushed them towards a table in the center of the restaurant, where several people from the Maekawa dojo, Chief Uramura and his family, and Yahiko and Tsubame were already seated.

Tae was surprisingly strong. Probably because she was quite a bit taller than both of them…

* * *

><p>It was a very lively evening.<p>

Kenshin managed to calm himself relatively quickly, and he took pleasure from watching Kaoru start to relax, happy to be the center of attention among their closest friends.

A few cups of sake helped, giving them an excuse to be flushed.

Early on, though, Kenshin had briefly excused himself from the table when Tae was fetching the sake gourds. As she rounded the corner from the storeroom, he fixed her with a meaningful stare.

"Tae-dono, this one would very much like to know what is going on."

"Oh, Kenshin-san, don't worry! Tonight's taken care of, we're all pitching in. Kaoru-chan is very dear to us, so we wanted to be sure to mark the occasion…"

"Tae-dono…" Kenshin didn't really know what to say; the_ occasion_, if that was what you could call his and Kaoru's first awkward steps, still seemed so tenuous, fragile. He felt almost a little panicked having it become public already. He hadn't even considered the cost of this event. After all the pain and damage that had been done to these people on his account...

Tae appeared to see through his turmoil, and her smile slipped to a look of tender concern.

"Kenshin-san… let us do this for you. Ever since Kaoru-chan lost her family, and then with everything that's happened since…. Well, we know you are both missing many people right now."

She looked a little sad.

"We just wanted you to know that we are your family, too."

He squared his shoulders. Of course. It was a young woman's family that officially marked a man as her suitor. Their gathered friends just wanted the two of them to know that they approved, that they wanted to be a part of this significant event in their lives. That Kaoru and his future together _wasn't _fragile or unsure, but was supported by everyone in town who knew and cared for them. That they weren't alone.

He smiled, feeling better already.

"All your help and care is greatly appreciated, Tae-dono, that it is. Now, may this one help you with the sake?"

"Thank you, Kenshin-san, that would be lovely..." her voice dropped, and she muttered under her breath, "… though if you are planning on making Kaoru _wait_ much longer, _you _are still in great need of help."

He assumed she had meant for him to hear that.

They returned to the table, and Kenshin settled down between Kaoru and Yahiko. The two were already bickering, but with a little less vehemence than usual.

Later in the evening, Kaoru was dragged off by the other young women, to giggle and whisper among themselves. Yahiko and the young men were playing dice and jabbering over watered-down sake near what was left of the food. Leaving Kenshin with Maekawa-sensei, Doctor Gensai, Chief Uramura and a few others.

However, it appeared that individual heart-to-hearts were not done for the evening. A few minutes after tea was served, Maekawa-sensei cleared his throat, causing the others to suddenly decide to join one of the dice games a few tables down.

"How have you been, Maekawa-sensei?" Kenshin asked once they were alone. He had not spoken to the older man since he had gone to see him a few weeks prior, to make a formal apology for the trouble the Maekawa dojo had suffered.

"I am well, Himura-san. As I told you before, I had hoped to continue as head of my dojo for a while longer, but my wife has rightly pointed out that I have seemed content of late. Old age is meant to be cherished, I suppose."

Kenshin murmured in assent, not sure what else to say. They sat in silence for a moment, listening to the pleasant buzz of enjoyment throughout the room. Then Maekawa came to the point.

"Himura-san, I would like to speak with you about Kaoru."

"Oh?" Kenshin hadn't expected this to be a pleasant conversation, but he knew he would have to hear the man out.

"As you know, Koshijiro and I were long-standing friends. We knew each other for most of our lives, and he even studied under me for a time." Maekawa took a sip of his tea. "His death, though not unforeseeable, was unexpected."

"The anniversary passed while Kaoru-dono… was missing, yes?" Kenshin felt the shadow of that too-recent pain brush his heart. He forced himself not to dwell on how Maekawa must have felt on that day, thinking her gone as well…

"Yes, it was near the end of the Satsuma war." Maekawa paused for a moment, as if to give himself a moment to recover from those memories. "We fought in the same unit, and had a mutual understanding that if something were to happen, we would look after each other's families.

"We never settled our agreement in an official way, as I have no children, and Kaoru, though unmarried… Koshijiro thought her old enough to be considered independent in this day and age. He named her his sole heir, and placed all his property in her name. He even named her his shihandai, before he left for the war with a contingent of his best students, none of whom returned."

Maekawa bowed his head briefly.

"I knew her stubbornness would not allow me to interfere in most of her personal affairs, but I tried to look after her where I could."

Kenshin raised an eyebrow.

Maekawa understood his unspoken question. "You are wondering about the false Battousai incidents."

Kenshin nodded once. He had wondered before about the lack of help she had received, but had never seen the point of asking.

Maekawa sighed. "I did attempt to dissuade her from challenging the brute, whoever it was. I told her to leave the matter to the police. And when her students started leaving, I offered to let her teach at my dojo."

Kenshin couldn't contain his skepticism. Again, Maekawa understood.

"I realize now that I should have done more. I should have looked more closely at the man she took in as her housekeeper. I should have… I miscalculated the depth of her despair at the situation." He sighed again.

"I am infinitely grateful to you, Himura-san, for your interference in the matter. That is why there was little fuss made by those who know and care for Kaoru, about the mysterious young man staying with her." Kenshin shifted uncomfortably at that. "We knew we could say little against the person who had filled the role we should have, of protecting her in her father's absence."

Maekawa looked up from his tea into Kenshin's eyes.

"With that in mind, I freely admit that any interference by me in your and Kaoru's personal affairs is unmerited. But… as an old man, who owes a debt of gratitude and love to the deceased father of a young woman, one I admire and hope to help in the world, I would feel remiss in my small duty if I did not speak with you, to determine the nature of your and Kaoru's understanding."

Kenshin met the man's gaze as best he could. "Maekawa-sensei, this one understands your concern. This one's intentions as a suitor… they are as one would expect, that they are." Kenshin said, picking his words carefully.

Maekawa seemed unconvinced. "Is that so? Your life for ten years has been that of solitude and independence. Do you truly understand what you would be taking on, by taking her as your wife? The responsibility that entails, the commitment?"

Kenshin took a deep breath. He would use this as an opportunity to practice speaking from his heart, for what he would need to say later to Kaoru.

"Maekawa-sensei… After the fight with Enishi, the one who kidnapped Kaoru-dono and faked her death, this… I was told by Doctor Takani Megumi that in five years, perhaps sooner, my skill with a sword will dull. In five years, I will be no more than an ordinary swordsman."

"As you say, I have wandered alone for ten years, searching for a way to atone for my killings. And finally, after… recent events, I reached a conclusion."

He let his eyes wander towards the corner of the room where Kaoru was laughing with Tae and the other young women.

"But it was a conclusion I never would have come to, if it weren't for Kaoru-dono and her own beliefs and ideals.

"I could continue my wanderings, and in the next five years, I might even end up helping more people that way than if I remain here… that is unknowable. But if I were to return to my wanderings, I would certainly cause great unhappiness to one person. That is not a thought that I can stomach, not something I can ever allow to happen again."

He looked into Maekawa's eyes once more. The man had a curious, contemplative look in his eyes.

"My intention in courting Kaoru-dono is to lend her whatever support I can, for the rest of my life. Her dream is to teach the youth of this town the sword style of her father, the sword that protects life, a style that holds the same ideals I have dedicated my life to. By aiding her in her dream, I hope we can look back together one day and say we left behind a worthwhile legacy."

Kenshin knew he was leaving much unsaid, concerning things of which Maekawa would be all too well aware. That Kaoru's new students had likely frequented other dojos in the area before coming to train with her, and may not stay for long. That those other dojos would not be pleased by the loss of students that the Kamiya school's resurrection might mean; even Maekawa may have unconsciously agreed with Hiruma Kihei that a woman running a kenjutsu school was unsuitable. That Kenshin's presence would give a semblance of respectability to the school, in the eyes of many who would sneer at a woman kenjutsu master. That the rumors about him, and his past as a hitokiri… it would help attract students, but not for the right reasons. Though Kenshin knew all these things to be true, he could not help but hope that these truths would be overcome.

"The answer I found for myself is to strive with all my heart, to fight for the happiness and peace of others as long as I draw breath. With the skills and burdens that I hold, I cannot think of a greater purpose for satisfying that answer than helping Kaoru-dono train others in the Kamiya Kasshin-ryu. There is only so much that one body can do in this world, especially after sustaining the amount of injuries that I have."

Kenshin looked down at his tea, feeling he had said all he could for the moment.

"I hope that answers your question, Maekawa-sensei."

"Indeed." Maekawa breathed in deep. "That was well said, Himura-san. I see I have little to be concerned about, regarding how seriously you take the matter." He paused to take another sip of tea. "Though… from what I'm hearing, it seems it is mainly the sword style you are enamored with, eh?" That caused Kenshin to look up again, surprised. Maekawa was grinning at him.

Kenshin could only reply with a blush. Did the man actually expect him to speak of his passion for Kaoru herself? Speak of the way her bright blue eyes caught him off guard every time she smiled? The way the sun hitting her made him want to bury his hands in her hair? The way he may never have wanted anything more than he wanted to hold her naked body in his arms… His blush grew, and he let out a slow "ororo."

Maekawa laughed softly. "Well, well, I had to check. There were many at my dojo who were sorely disappointed by today's news. I am sure you know that Kaoru has been the object of several a young man's fancy around town."

Kenshin's back stiffened. Of course he knew that; what was Maekawa getting at?

"But ever since you arrived, they all saw she only had eyes for you. Which made them too shy to approach her themselves, especially since her father was gone… well. I'm glad to know that your regard is equal to theirs at the very least, and not merely that of someone hoping to obtain a home for himself."

Kenshin tried to control himself, but he was actually rather offended. The dryness in his voice probably belied even the pretense of politeness.

"Yes, and I'm sure none of your students would have an interest in making a respectable dojo their home, regardless of the charms of the owner."

Maekawa laughed, hands up, admitting he was teasing. "I apologize, I apologize, no need to say more. Anyone can see the strength of the affection between you two. And I know you have absolutely no reason to act the mercenary." Still seeing Kenshin was annoyed, Maekawa continued. "If may say so, as someone who has known her since she was small, she has never seemed happier than she is now. Regardless of the strength of _your_ feelings for her, that alone speaks well for your suit."

Kenshin didn't like that suggestion, either. "Kaoru-dono is a woman who knows her own heart. And as you've seen, for some reason she has chosen to give it to _this_ unworthy one. Even this one is not so great a fool as to spurn such a precious gift."

"Hmm. I would never take you for a fool, Himura-san. Misguided, perhaps, but not a fool. Koshijiro would have enjoyed meeting you."

Kenshin offered a silent prayer asking for that to be the truth.

* * *

><p>Some time later, Kenshin collected Kaoru from the corner, causing the other young women to collapse in a fit of giggles.<p>

On the walk home, though Kaoru was still slightly tipsy, she was collected enough to walk upright with her arm tightly linked through his. Luckily the night was dark, shielding them from prying eyes, giving them the feeling that they existed in a world all their own.


	6. Revelation

**epicCookie**: Since I'm doing this story in the manga-verse, I went with Maekawa; Gensai is mainly a periphery character in the manga. Also, "Patterns of Meiji Swordsmanship" is one of my favorite chapters, and it heavily influenced both my chapter 4 training scene and of course the chapter 5 talk. Maekawa is the only one who expresses an interest in meeting Kenshin on Kaoru's behalf, and is the only one who really talks about knowing Koshijiro. It's the Maekawa dojo that is targeted during Jinchuu, not Gensai's clinic (if I am remembering correctly that the clinic wasn't hit). Besides, anime-Gensai's talk with Kenshin would be pretty quick: "Glad you two are getting your act together. Is it alright if I leave my granddaughters at the dojo all day tomorrow? Great!"

Oh, I loved it! I just really wanted to riff on your name.

**emi**: Glad you appreciate it! I'm trying to be as realistic as possible, and late twenties really isn't that old, as I can well attest. As for the Kenji question: ugh, gross, Kenji is the worst! Who would possibly want to see Kenshin and Kaoru happy together with their kid, disgusting… (In case you can't tell because internet, I'm trying to be funny, and likely failing. I love the little bugger, and he will definitely make an appearance).

**aerie**: Thanks so much! Considering how long it took them to admit even the slightest feelings for each other, I think their courtship would be pretty slow. And to convey that, the story's pace is going that way… But I promise, we'll get there :)

I want to take a moment to acknowledge a few stories that I've been greatly influenced by: "Through Long Years of Labor" by Ayezur, "Traditions" by Sumiregusa, and "Reflections and Fulfillment" by Plyric. There are a ton of others, too, but those three especially have informed how I think about post-Jinchuu.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6<strong>

Once they were home, after changing into their sleeping yukatas, they sat together on the engawa to share tea before bed. Kenshin brought out a large blanket, as it was later than their usual talks, and the air now felt like the mid-November night it was.

Once they were settled, seated with their knees and elbows touching, their tea set aside and the blanket over both their shoulders, Kenshin began.

"Kaoru… This one is sorry he upset you today. This one should have explained himself more clearly."

"It's alright Kenshin, I think… I think I understand. Um, though, maybe… you should tell me… what exactly you meant?" She glanced up at him shyly.

"Hm… Kaoru…" Kenshin began, and Kaoru turned her head, looking at him expectantly. He thought that both of them were acting less inhibited, still faintly under the spell of that evening's sake. Being with her, beginning this conversation, it didn't feel as difficult as he thought it would.

"You should know what has been on this one's mind, that you should."

She fixed him with her wide-eyed, attentive stare.

"Ever since this one…" he took a deep breath, "… since _I_ met you, I have been amazed by the trust you place in me." He took her hand, lightly caressing her fingers.

"You have never pressed me to reveal parts of myself that I was afraid to show you; you have always taken whatever I offered of myself. And when I strayed from the self I wished to be… you always fought to bring me back."

He felt her fingers squeeze his, already offering him her comfort.

"But now, I want to share all of myself with you."

Her expression showed no hesitancy, nothing but joy at hearing his declaration, so he continued.

"I will admit, I have very little experience with this, with the sharing of thoughts and feelings. I hope you can forgive me for how I've failed in that until now."

"Kenshin…" She moved her hands up, towards his face. Before she reached it, though, he took her hands into his own, and moved them down, gripping them tightly in the space between their bodies.

"I will not leave you, Kaoru, I could not. I… do not intend to relinquish you ever again, for any reason, that I do not.

"K-kenshin." She did not attempt to move her hands again, but her weight seemed to shift, as if she was waiting to move as soon as he allowed her to. He hurried on, worried he would not be able to say all he needed before their feelings burst over into something uncontrollable.

"What I meant to say to you today, with my gift, as I couldn't find the proper words... It was that I want us to wait a little while longer for our union, only so that it may be as strong as possible.

"I… want you, Kaoru. More than anything I have ever wanted for myself. But I want you to truly know and accept all of me, before… we become one. Afterwards, we will have our whole lives together.""

He pulled her hands up to his face, brushing his lips on the back of them.

"Can you understand that?"

Her face was full of emotion as she tilted her head up to look into his eyes.

"Oh, Kenshin, yes, I…"

He rushed on, worried what she might say. "Then you forgive me? For hurting you, for all the times I've hurt you?"

She blushed, unable to continue meeting his heated gaze. "Yes. That is, if… if you will forgive me for… well, for thinking you would leave."

At that he put his arm around her waist, so that their sides were melded together. She felt so tiny and fragile to him in that moment, though he knew her frame contained so much strength.

"You really thought I would leave?"

"Well, a little… I guess… "

"Kaoru… I hope you know _now_ that I never would… I never could…"

She smiled a sad little smile, looking down at the hand he was still holding.

"I suppose I know that you wouldn't _really _leave… But then, if… if it wasn't _that, _then… well I… I was _more_ afraid that you, that you…" She stopped, unable to say the rest.

He took a deep breath. "What was it, that you feared I would make you wait for?"

"Well, I… I thought maybe you thought that I was, I don't know, too… too immature, too young, too _uninteresting_, after all the women who… well…"

He took a sharp, quick breath, causing her to look up again.

"Kaoru, that is… that is so_ far_ from the case…"

"Eh?" Her eyes widened with such an endearing innocence he could barely contain himself.

"You being… too… _young_, this one… that is not… but it is not as you seem to think, no it is not..." His grip on her tightened.

"Being around you, it makes me feel, well, part of me feels like a… lecherous old man, wanting you as I do." Gods, how could he possibly ever deserve her, this lovely young girl, after everything… But he had decided to put those concerns behind him. He forced his mind away from that old anxiety, and instead focused on the other worry she had expressed.

"But, Kaoru… you also seem to think me more experienced than I am, I am afraid. Your beauty and, well… _appeal_, it intimidates me. A different part of me feels like an awkward youth again when I am around you, that I do."

"Do you mean… you mean you are also nervous?" She looked surprised.

"Hai, Kaoru, that I am. You make me nervous… and excited… and agitated… and _unworthy_…"

At that he kissed her; he just couldn't stop himself.

During the kiss, he felt as if he was taking in her scent for the first time. He realized that whenever they had been close, he had never really _breathed in _before. Combined with the taste of her he received as they lightly touched their lips together, kissing her this time was a revelation. He put his other arm around her, and pulled her flush against him, which caused the blanket to fall from their shoulders. Her body, even in her thicker fall yukata, was covered in several fewer layers of clothing than he had ever felt her in before… He could feel the pressure of her small breasts on his chest, his hands faintly took in the heat of her skin…

When they pulled apart, he pulled her head down to rest on his shoulder.

"What… what was that… about you being unworthy?" she asked, sounding a little stunned. "Ken-shin… you are _not_ unworthy."

He chuckled, and countered, "Oh, but _you _thought that you weren't interesting enough for this one, is that not so? Isn't that just as unacceptable?"

"Baka." She lightly whacked his chest, then snuggled into him.

"Kenshin… I love you. I… I want _you_ to know how much I feel when I'm around you, too. I know I'm very naïve, about all these things. I mean, I know in general, what it means to be married… but only… very generally."

Kenshin squeezed her tight.

"But… but… I'm so happy, happy that you _want_ me, that you want things to be perfect between us. I'm… I'll be happy to be with you whenever and _however_ you want..."

"Oh, Kaoru…" He almost told her not to say that until she knew what that really meant, but wisely decided to say nothing. Instead, he leaned in for another kiss.

This one was more… deliberate. Still soft, but with more focus. She tried moving her lips against his this time, instead of letting him lead. He could tell she was eager to learn, to discover what he would do when she tried something new. He was only too happy to let her. He felt himself relearning how such actions worked: how to push apart a woman's lips to hear her sigh, how much pressure to apply and when to pull back, how to feel connected in this simple and yet inexpressible way.

They stopped a few minutes later, to still their beating hearts. He rocked her back and forth and let out a soft hum of contentment. After a few minutes of simply holding each other, Kenshin decided it was time to part.

"Kaoru, it is very late… we must go to bed now, that we must."

"O-kay, Kenshin." Her voice came out a little husky, as if she had almost dozed off.

He lifted her up, setting her down reluctantly. He picked up the blanket, but left the untouched tea cups to be dealt with tomorrow. As he led her back to her room, he had a strong sense of déjà vu; this was exactly what had happened the night before. But tonight, when they reached her room, Kaoru grasped his sleeve.

"Um, Kenshin… I want… will you come in?"

She blushed, suddenly waving her hands in front of her. "You don't have to, I'm sorry, I was just thinking it was cold tonight and it would be nice to stay together…"

"Alright."

Her eyes betrayed a little shock that he had agreed, and he almost took it back. But then she quickly turned and opened the door, pulling him in after her with a strong tug.

She had laid out her futon before joining him for tea. It looked so cozy and inviting to him, as no bedding ever had before.

Quickly, she knelt and folded open one edge of the covers. She looked up at him, seeming a little unsure about what to do next.

"Kaoru… tonight, I would like to just hold you. Is that alright?"

She brightened, smiling up at him. "Okay, Kenshin." He was glad; he had interpreted her invitation correctly, and that was all he wished to do tonight. The rest would come later.

She scooted herself under the covers, laying on her side to face him, and he quickly followed her. He laid on his back, and pulled her to lie partially on top of him, his arms around her back, her head under his chin. They shifted against each other, finding the most comfortable positions for their limbs, discovering how they best fit together.

Listening to her breathing become slow and steady, he smiled. She looked so relaxed in his arms.

"I love you, Kaoru. My beautiful Kaoru-koishii." He buried his face in her hair, enveloping himself in her scent, until he followed her into a contented sleep.

* * *

><p>Kenshin began to stir, disoriented… a lovely dream of Kaoru and him bathing in the river was slowly fading from his waking mind. He felt much more rested and content than he had in a long time, but now he was awake, and he was in an unfamiliar place…<p>

His head popped up, a momentary rush of adrenaline immediately fading as he realized where he was. Yes, he was in Kaoru's room. But no, Kaoru was not there.

As he took a quick stock of the room and the state of his body, he suddenly was very glad she was not in the room. His… member was stiffly erect, entirely noticeable under the blanket. Well, it had been a long while since _this _had happened. Not terribly surprising, given the events of last night, and his lingering dream…

He debated quickly running to the bath, to pour cold water over himself, but decided his first priority was finding Kaoru. Through sheer force of will, combined with meditating through a list of the least arousing things he could imagine (Iizuka's mustache, the smell of Sano's dirty foot bandages, the time he had accidently broken Shishou's sake gourd, and Shishou then made him run through a blizzard to get more…), he composed himself. He rose, checked the ties on his yukata, and went to find Kaoru.

She wasn't far; he heard her unmistakable bustling in the kitchen. She was humming, adorably off key, and once he made it to the door, he saw she was trying to cook breakfast.

"Good morning, Kaoru. Can this one help you?"

"Good morning, Kenshin! No, I think I am fine; I got up early so I thought I would make breakfast today!"

Kenshin inwardly grimaced. He knew better than to say anything, but he approached the pot anyway, and saw that while the vegetables in the soup were cut too large to cook properly, the broth was likely salvageable.

As he walked over, he also noticed that she had placed the flowers he had given her prominently on the dining table. Sighing inside, his mind fixed on a tactful way to save breakfast.

"Kaoru-koishii, this one _wants _to help." He silently closed the distance between them and put his hands on her waist. She gasped a little in surprise, but after a moment, leaned her back against him. He continued. "For all our lives, this one wants to help you, in all ways possible; with cooking, with cleaning, with teaching your students, with anything that can make your life easier." He kissed her neck.

She turned her head a little to look at him. "I know, Kenshin, I know you do, but I…" He cut her off with a kiss.

This kiss was somehow different than their previous ones. Kenshin thought maybe spending the night together had unleashed some of their reserve, making this kiss more passionate, deeper, almost desperate. One of his hands moved to grip the back of her neck, turning her head further, while she slipped the arm closest to him over his shoulders. He felt her open her lips, and he took the opportunity to stick his tongue in and lightly caress the inside of her mouth. She moaned a little, and tentatively touched her tongue to his lips in return. They continued this new exploration, tasting, sucking, even nipping at each other a little. He felt out of control, unsure where his thoughts were, or where this would lead. She slowly turned so she was facing him, and he moved his hand from her waist, to the small of her back, pressing her hips against his.

"Morning! Is breakfast ready…" Yahiko's voice said from behind them. "Yuuccck!"

"Eeep! Yahiko…" Kaoru pulled away, and hid her burning face on Kenshin's chest.

"Kaoru, Kenshin, geez, you really gotta do that in _here_? Man, I _eat_ here…"

Undeniably, the boy was a mood killer.


	7. Lesson

**ShirahimeShou: **He's so desperate… Though ultimately he wanted to stop there. He's got _plans_.

**xiaochibi: **I'm sure Kaoru will get back at Yahiko as much as humanly possible later when he courts Tsubame. :)

**epicCookie: **I totally get it; I watched the anime first, too, though I stopped a couple episodes into the weird Christian stuff. Then I immediately started the manga, blowing through it in like a week. I've read it several times, and it's legitimately one of my favorite works of art… the layout, the way the art depicts movement; ugh, I love it.

I love the anime too, but less, what with the 90's animation quality and general aesthetic (guitar riffs! freeze frames!), and the crazy filler… Kenshin's interactions with Gensai's granddaughters _are_ super cute. But in the manga Gensai is kind of a creeper, pinching Megumi's rear right after taking her as an apprentice. Oh, the 19th century (and beyond…).

I'm also going to quickly brag about not having seen the Reflections OVA. And I never will! As far as I'm concerned, it doesn't exist.

**aerie: **Thanks! Yeah, Yahiko is becoming Sano, forever mooching food.

**kaoruca: **Thanks so much! I basically stole Yahiko's lines from a friend of mine, though from a very different, less awkward context.

**emi: **Imagine walking in on your "parents" (which they basically are) makin' out over your breakfast. He is a little snot though :)

**melay: **Thanks! Though a lot about him is an enigma, the few times where he acts impulsively or from his heart, I think it's pretty clear he feels about Kaoru as any man would. A lot of fanfiction authors depict him as having an actual split personality disorder, and I tend to dislike (though it can be done really well!). I think he just has a complicated personality; the rurouni-ness is a bit of an act, but when you live in an "act" for a decade, it also becomes the truth…

**Silver-Firelizard: **I literally cackled while reading your review; as in, I was at work, and I started cackling. Out loud. You have no idea how much I love the live action movie. I've probably seen it… 10? 15 times? Not sure at this point. I've also gotten most of my friends to watch it… Still waiting to watch the third movie for when we can all get together.

**Ysa: **Oof, if Kenshin making a move was what you were waiting for, stick with me for a little while longer…

**KillingReality: **Aw, thanks, that's hilarious… Man, I was such a goody two-shoes in college. But as a TA, it was highly amusing to sit in the back of class and watch students surf the internet during lectures…

**kawaiikekechan: **Thanks! You know, I think a lot of people have that same problem, and as someone who just recently got into this fandom, I would guess that half of it is his skill at hiding his feelings, the other half that he probably didn't fall in love with her right from the beginning. They only knew each other for three months before the Kyoto arc; in Kyoto they are mainly just thinking about each other. Things really don't start to become clear until the Jinchuu arc. And there, I think a lot of readers get held up by Kenshin's past with Tomoe. But I don't agree... you can love different people across a lifetime. Even if you don't want to think that way, Kenshin and Tomoe's relationship, while important, in my opinion isn't as strong as Kenshin and Kaoru's. But I digress…

Speaking of the live action movie (from a previous review), Sato Takeru and Takei Emi have so much chemistry that now my image of Kenshin and Kaoru is kind of melded with them… if I was going with the movies as canon, they are so obviously in love it's silly.

…

Alright, finally, this chapter got a little (okay, more than a little) away from me, in terms of plot and length, which is why it took a few more days than usual to update.

But I hope it's worth the wait! I love reviews, requests, **beta-requests**, PMs, critiques, thoughts, feelings, suggestions… I'd love to know more about what people want to see, or specifically what they like/don't like about the story so far. Seriously, if you can't _tell_, given my long responses to reviews, I love discussing RK.

Help me relieve my friends, they are getting sick of hearing about it…

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

Kaoru and the seven students in the dojo stared intently at Yahiko and Kenshin, the latter somewhat annoyed at himself for getting into this situation.

Then again, whacking Yahiko around the dojo a little might be satisfying…

* * *

><p>In the two weeks since Kenshin had started courting Kaoru, he had also started attending her afternoon lessons. Mornings were still reserved for Yahiko, though once his chores were done, Kenshin observed those sessions as well. Yahiko was quickly mastering the intermediate moves he had skipped in his haste to learn the succession techniques, and by watching them practice, Kenshin was himself learning the Kamiya Kasshin-ryu.<p>

The school had gained another four students. Three of them were between twelve and fourteen, and the fourth was an adorable six year old, the brother of one of the older students.

Kaoru left the little boy, Arakita, in Kenshin's charge. Kenshin and Arakita ran through basic breathing and sword handling exercises while Kaoru led the others in more advanced work.

At the end of today's lesson, though, Kaoru wanted the older students to compete in a short tournament. Kenshin could tell she thought they were a little overconfident, in need of a bit of a takedown.

She casually asked Kenshin to participate as well. Then they would have even numbers, after all…

He started to say no, but Arakita begged him. The little boy wanted to join in too (Kaoru had flatly refused), and was insistent that if he couldn't, _his_ sensei had to fight in his place. "Brother says you're good, but he's not sure you're _as_ good as Yahiko says. But _I _know you are, you're the best! Please, please? For me?"

Kenshin sighed. He supposed he might as well; he had been inactive for months now. It wasn't like he would use even a quarter of his strength, and he would only fight with the Kamiya Kasshin-ryu.

Of course, as expected, the final match ended up being between Yahiko and Kenshin. The others were in a bit of a stupor; Kaoru had certainly gotten her wish of putting her new students in their place. None had gotten close to landing a hit on Yahiko, let alone Kenshin. Though Kenshin had actually worked up a bit of a sweat, prolonging the matches for their benefit, and the benefit of getting a little exercise himself.

Yahiko seemed hesitant to attack, but Kenshin was content to wait. The Kamiya Kasshin-ryu stressed defense after all; Yahiko needed to practice attacking, if he wished to improve.

Finally the boy moved. Kenshin was disappointed. In Yahiko's match with Kaoru the week before, he had moved a fraction faster, with a fraction more intent. Kenshin easily blocked, and before Yahiko could react, Kenshin was behind him. He delivered a hard hit to the boy's back, causing him to stagger forward.

"Focus, Yahiko," Kaoru said, taking the words out of Kenshin's mouth.

Yahiko scrambled to his feet and quickly nodded at Kaoru. He immediately turned his attention back to Kenshin. After a big breath, he got into his usual defensive stance.

_That's not going to work, Yahiko. You should know that._ But it was Kaoru's job to instruct the boy. He could give him a practical lesson with this next pass, but he would leave it to Kaoru to help him learn from it.

Kenshin decided he might as well mix things up, and attack Yahiko this time. Yahiko was focusing on Kenshin, but Kenshin could tell the boy was on edge, waiting for him to attack. Kenshin just had to wait for the moment when the boy let out the involuntary twitch that inevitably arrived for all panicked men…

Yahiko blinked, and in that moment, Kenshin was on him. The boy tried to execute the Kamiya Kasshin succession technique, but in his agitated state, Kenshin easily broke through it, delivering a harsh blow to Yahiko's head.

_Hm… that might have been a bit _too _harsh. _But better from him, with a shinai, than an enemy with a real sword. And Yahiko _had _been an inexorable pest the last couple weeks…

"The win goes to Kenshin." Kaoru seemed satisfied with the match, though her brow furrowed a little as she looked at Yahiko. He seemed a little off balance as he stood up. "Alright, everyone give me another ten strokes, and then we will do our cool-down exercises." She softened her expression. "Yahiko, you may go. But I'd like you to show up early tomorrow."

"Hai, Kaoru-sensei." Yahiko bowed, sent Kenshin a furtive glance, then walked a little unsteadily towards the bathhouse.

"This one will go prepare the bath, Kaoru-dono." Kenshin bowed to her.

"Thank you, Kenshin." She directed a loving look at him, before turning back to lead the remaining students in their final strokes for the day.

Yahiko had already gone into the bathhouse. Kenshin assumed the boy would be doing his usual quick wipe-down, instead of a full bath. Kenshin sat at the fire and started to heat the bath for Kaoru.

While waiting for Yahiko to exit, Kenshin contemplated whether he had overdone it, with his hits today. He did not believe in fighting without being serious (he supposed he had to blame Shishou for that), and he knew he hadn't really hurt the boy.

If anything, he hurt Yahiko's pride, which was only to the boy's good. Yahiko had managed to win some incredible matches, and when it was truly a matter of life or death, Kenshin knew he could count on him. But not every fight would feel as critical, not every enemy would have an obvious weakness. Enemies wouldn't underestimate Yahiko forever… And if he always put Kenshin on a pedestal, as Kenshin's abilities faded, so might Yahiko's.

And then there was the less serious reason Kenshin had to be harsh with him. Yahiko seemed to have decided to take it upon himself to show up at the dojo at any and all times, once even showing up before Kenshin or Kaoru had awakened for the day.

He assumed the boy was oscillating between wanting to be protective, and acting on his natural impulses to tease Kaoru. He seemed to have stepped up his insults and jabs, which sometimes caused Kaoru to erupt in anger, and other times to clam up in embarrassment. Every time she did the latter, Kenshin felt more annoyed, and a little more hesitant to move their relationship forward.

But other than Yahiko's interruptions, Kaoru and his courtship had been going very well. They had grown more and more comfortable with each other, exchanging a few more soft and sweet kisses, speaking more of their feelings, and they had shared a futon every night since the first time. Each morning, Kenshin would wake as early as possible to sneak out of her room, leaving a yellow tsubaki blossoms in his place.

This was a matter of self-preservation. He was waking from increasingly vivid dreams, and while this was a marked improvement on the nightmares he had suffered from previously, the after-effects weren't something he wanted Kaoru to encounter yet. He had mapped out in his mind how he wanted their relationship to progress, and for now, he was waiting for Kaoru to make the next move. He didn't know yet how much she knew about the act of love; that conversation was also a top priority. He wanted her to be ready, excited even, for everything he planned on doing with her. And for that, he was prepared to wait.

He didn't think it would be long. She had been collecting the yellow flowers he left, keeping them in a separate vase in her room. Every day she seemed more relaxed around him, every night she snuggled closer. Perhaps it was only the threat of discovery by Yahiko that was holding her back… In any case, they weren't quite ready to act out his fantasies, making an early morning dunk in the bath his best remedy for now.

But Kenshin was just about at his wit's end with Yahiko. The morning he ran straight into the boy, during his early morning rush to the bathhouse, had definitely been unappreciated. And then there was the night Yahiko, off-duty from the Akabeko, had refused to take _any_ of Kenshin's hints about how he and Kaoru wanted some time alone… He'd never raised his voice to Yahiko before, but if the boy's jeers and intrusions kept up…

The lesson seemed to be finished, as Kaoru's students were pouring out of the dojo. They called out their goodbyes, clearly starving and wanting to go home and bathe themselves. Arakita waved at him, and started to come over, but his brother pulled him along.

A minute or so after they left, Yahiko came out of the bathhouse, looking about as grumpy as Kenshin felt. But he seemed to have something he wanted to ask.

"Um, Kenshin? Do you… have any pointers for me, from today?"

Kenshin thought for a second; he had resolved earlier to leave this to Kaoru, but… he could use this talk for a dual purpose.

"Hmm. This one supposes one pointer would be that you need to work on your attack. You were much too hesitant today." He fixed his gaze as intently as he could at Yahiko, extending his ki in an attempt to intimidate him. Yahiko froze.

"If you do not _believe_ you can land a hit on an opponent, then you certainly never will, no you will not." Kenshin relaxed his expression.

Yahiko exhaled, then gave Kenshin a small grin.

"I guess that makes sense, Kenshin. Though that's asking a lot…" Yahiko's grin slipped a little.

Kenshin intensified his gaze again. "Here is a second pointer. You need to better observe your opponent, and the situation you find yourself in. If you can do that, even when you can't avoid being hit, you can at least have greater control on the outcome."

Yahiko looked a little confused at that.

"Do you understand? You need to work on your _situational awareness_." Kenshin gave him an amused smile, hoping Yahiko could understand his larger point.

A look of dawning comprehension (and a blush) overcame Yahiko's face.

"Oh… I see…" But then Yahiko hurried on, "though, well, Kenshin." The boy paused again. "I just, I guess I'm not really sure what exactly I'm supposed to _do_, you know, in some situations."

Kenshin was a little surprised. "What do you mean, Yahiko?"

"Well, I guess, I mean… the past couple weeks… I've been trying to make sure, you know, that you and Kaoru had a… a _chaperone_. That's how c-courting's supposed to go, right? And since you two l-live together… I guess I thought… I was supposed to be around as much as possible, so people wouldn't… talk…" He trailed off towards the end.

Kenshin felt remorseful; perhaps he should have had this talk with Yahiko earlier. He hadn't really considered how Yahiko must feel, to see him and Kaoru acting more intimate with each other. The boy likely had an even worse understanding of the relations between men and women than himself at that age. He had lived in a seedy yakuza house for years, after all, and his mother… the story had never been entirely clear, but Kenshin had gotten the impression she had turned to prostitution for some amount of time, trying to support herself and her son. Yahiko must want to protect Kaoru from insinuations of that sort, the very thought of which was making the boy uncomfortable.

And of course, because Yahiko felt uncomfortable, he had been acting even ruder to Kaoru, instead of confronting Kenshin.

Kenshin knelt down in front of Yahiko, and put his hand on the boy's shoulder.

"Yahiko… do you trust me?"

Yahiko stared at Kenshin, wide-eyed. "Of course I do, Kenshin!"

"Then why do you not trust me to act in a respectful manner to Kaoru-dono?"

"Oh.. I guess… I dunno, kissing and stuff, I thought…"

"Yahiko. Yes, kissing and other such things are not appropriate in public, but in one's home… it is only natural." Kenshin sighed, thinking for a moment. "I can make you a promise. Kaoru and I will certainly not kiss, or do anything of the sort that might make people talk, other than when we are alone here in the dojo. However, _you_ should do your best to treat us the same as before. There is nothing wrong with two people who intend to marry showing each other affection.

"I promise you, I would never do anything to disrespect Kaoru-dono."

Kenshin certainly intended to treat Kaoru with the utmost respect. However… he didn't necessarily see any reason for Yahiko to know exactly what Kenshin considered the respect due to one's beloved. A young, inexperienced boy like Yahiko might not agree with Kenshin's more nuanced understanding. Kenshin had the deepest respect for Kaoru's intelligence, her wishes, and her _agency_…

"I see... I'm sorry, Kenshin," Yahiko said bashfully.

"There is no need to apologize, Yahiko. This one should have spoken to you earlier. But this one would suggest apologizing to Kaoru-dono tomorrow. You have been rather rude to her lately, that you have."

Clearly wanting to ease the tension, Yahiko smiled. "Do I have to, Kenshin? Didn't you take care of that today, what with hitting me over the head?"

"Hmm, perhaps you are right, Yahiko," Kenshin laughed, remembering some of Yahiko's choicer phrases from the past week. "You certainly deserved those hits, even just for what you said about her rice balls yesterday, that you did."

"Still… did you have to hit me _so_ hard?" Yahiko's grumpiness returned.

Kenshin grinned. "This one would never hit you harder than you could take. You are a strong boy, that you are."

"Hmmm…" He was visibly pleased to hear that. "Well. I guess… I'll leave you two alone for the rest of the day. Tell Kaoru I'll be sure to be here early tomorrow, though. And, and thanks for the pointers, Kenshin!"

Yahiko left for his shift at the Akabeko, in high spirits again. Kenshin had to shake his head. Both of the pointers he had given Yahiko were incredibly rudimentary, ones he had heard Kaoru drill into the boy's head plenty of times before. The boy still thought too highly of him, to not see when Kenshin was manipulating him…

Pushing thoughts of Yahiko out of his mind, he turned back to the bathhouse fire.

Between the sparring today, and the rather intense man-to-man talk with Yahiko, Kenshin had actually worked up quite a sweat, despite the winter chill. He was considering rinsing himself off before Kaoru took her bath, when he saw her walk over from the dojo.

"Did Yahiko already head out?" Kaoru asked. She seemed to be in a very bubbly mood, probably the result of the successful practice.

"He did. He said he won't be back until tomorrow, as well."

"Good." She practically skipped up to him, and wrapped her arms around his waist. He pulled her closer, smiling down at the top of her head.

"Eek! You're so sweaty, Kenshin!" She giggled. "I don't think you've ever gotten sweatier than _I _have. You need a bath." She pulled closer to him, though, apparently not minding his sweat. "Um, Kenshin…"

"Yes, Kaoru?"

"Would you… would you like to take a bath with me?"

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><p>Before Kaoru could pull away or act embarrassed, Kenshin kissed the top of her head. "Alright." This was exactly what he had been waiting for, after all.<p>

Slightly nervous himself, he pulled her toward the bathhouse door without looking at her.

Once they were inside, he turned to her. She looked a little shy now, as she always did after being so forward.

"Would you like this one to go first?" he asked.

"O-okay." She smiled, seeming to conquer her shyness. "Or… we could go bit by bit? You know, so it's fair…"

He chuckled at her. "Well, this one will start, then." He pulled his arms out of his sleeves, and let his gi drop around his waist. She came over to him, and lightly put her hands on his chest.

"It feels… nice. Softer than I thought…" She moved her hands down towards his stomach. Her touch felt heavenly; he took her hands into his own, before she moved any lower.

"Your turn." He smirked at her.

"O-okay…" She looked into his eyes as she removed her own gi. But when her hands went to it the bandages around her breasts, she looked down again, blushing.

"Kaoru-koishii… there is no need to be embarrassed. I am happy with whatever of yourself you wish to show me." If she wished to stop, he'd rather she stopped here, than further on…

"I know, Kenshin. I _am_ the one who asked, so…" At that she started unbinding the bandages.

Once they were off, Kenshin gently placed his hands on her exposed breasts. "My turn," he said with a smile, getting a giggle from her.

He caressed them, reveling in their softness. She was lovely, made up entirely of unblemished, milky white skin, taunt but still soft to his touch. She sighed and leaned forward, and he moved his hands to her back, to press her chest against his. He rubbed his hands down the smooth skin of her back, over the sweet bend at her waist, up to the light jut of her shoulder blades, all the while resting his chin on the curve of her neck and breathing in her scent.

He started when he felt her hands on his belt tie. "Kaoru…"

"Kenshin." She pulled back, a mischievous grin on her face. "If that was your turn, it's mine again!" She was blushing furiously, but he wasn't going to stop her…

She managed to get the belt untied, and he helped her pull his hakama down, shaking it off and kicking both it and his gi to the side with his feet. Then he helped her remove her own hakama, leaving them only in their underclothes.

He paused for a moment, to look at the woman in front of him. Her legs were gorgeous, toned and shaped by her years of sword practice. He had never really seen them exposed before… they looked so much longer than her small frame would make one think….

"Mou, Kenshin, your face… you're making me feel awkward," she said, but she was smiling.

"I'm sorry... You are just so gorgeous, I had to look…" Part of him was still in awe that this was happening, that she was practically naked in front of him.

She blushed. "You… you too, Kenshin. You look… gorgeous, too…"

To help calm himself, he gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. Keeping one hand on her, he picked up a washcloth, and started washing her front.

They took turns washing each other, wiping away the sweat from the day's practice. He found several of her weak spots, getting giggles when he touched her under her ribs, or along her collarbone. She in turn was gentle with his still slightly sensitive wounds, and traced his many scars with a tender look on her face.

She sighed with pleasure when he started massaging her scalp, pulling her hair out of its tie. After a moment, she did the same to him, running her fingers through his hair. He let out a soft groan.

They were still wearing their underclothes, but Kenshin decided that was best for now.

Both were starting to feel the cold winter air now that they were wet, so they quickly poured more water over each other to wash away the soap, and got into the warm tub. He settled down next to her, the water rippling as he put his arm over her shoulder and pulled her head to rest against his throat.

"I love you, Kaoru. Thank you for this." Again he contemplated how lucky he was, to be here, with her, this woman who was always full of surprises.

"Mmm… I love you, too, Kenshin." She let out a happy sigh. They stayed still, listening to the drip of water from the side of the tub, the soft crackle of the fire under the bathhouse.

"Kenshin… when did you first start loving me? I've been curious…." Kaoru spoke, after a moment.

Kenshin smiled. "Hmm… that's a tough question, that it is. I'm not entirely sure."

She glanced up at him, and her eyes looked a little unhappy, so he hurried on. "That is, my love for you came on over such a long time, that I don't know when I would say it started."

"Oh, okay." She put her head down, content again. "But, do you have a guess?"

He laughed. "Oh, probably around the time when you broke Jin'eh's spell. Though perhaps before…" He was certain it was before, but he couldn't really recall his thoughts about her from that time. He had allowed himself so much more freedom of thought around her since then, he couldn't even really put himself back into that restrained and cautious mindset again. Certainly not while she was leaning on him, mostly naked.

"What about… what about when you _knew_ that you loved me?" she asked, apparently still curious to get to the bottom of this.

"That… I guess it must have been when I had to think about leaving for Kyoto… or perhaps… when you came to see me in Kyoto? It was certainly around then, that I let myself realize it…" She snuggled closer to him.

"Well, what about you, Kaoru? When did you know you loved me?" he asked, while idly twisting a lock of her hair in the hand that wasn't caressing her shoulder.

She sighed. "Oh, I guess I'm not really sure either. I think I was afraid you wouldn't love me back, so I denied it for a long time. But I think… I think I _started_ practically from the beginning…"

He grinned. "I knew _that_, Kaoru-koishii. It was fairly obvious."

She picked up her head. "Mou, baka!" she said, with a fake frown on her face, and whacked him on the head.

"Oro…"

Kaoru giggled at him.

They settled back against each other, and sat contented for another minute, before Kenshin decided to start a new conversation, one he had been long considering how best to bring up.

"Kaoru… I wanted to ask, you mentioned before that you knew what it meant to be married. Would you tell me, what it is you know?"

She seemed to take a moment to think. Then she started twisting her hands. "Well… I know that, men and women who are married, well." She looked up at him with a blush. "I know they do things like _this_ sometimes."

Now _he _had to look away with a blush. "Kaoru… I hope you don't think this is _all _there is, or feel inappropriate, doing this while we are only courting…"

She interrupted him. "Oh no, no, Kenshin! I don't think that. And I know… I know that there's… more…"

At that, she put a hand under the water and went to touch him, on his…

Only his incredible reflexes allowed him to catch her arm before she reached her destination.

"Kaoru, we should wait a little more for _that_, I think." His voice came out a little strangled, but he composed himself. "There are still things we need to talk about."

Her face was very red, and she looked incredibly embarrassed. He let out a nervous laugh, hoping to reassure her. "It seems you know about the physical differences between men and women, at least."

"Of course Kenshin. I'm not a little girl! Besides, I grew up in a dojo, you find out things… hear things…" she trailed off, not looking him in the eye.

He sighed. "Such talk… can often be misleading, or leave many things out." He did not relish getting to the bottom of whatever misconceptions she had taken in from such an upbringing.

"But Kenshin… For the things I don't know, you'll be able to teach me, won't you?" She was becoming a little calmer; he was touched by her hopeful expression, her rosy cheeks.

"I will certainly try, Kaoru-koishii, but… these things, they are not things I am necessarily _well-versed _in. I want us to take our time, that I do. Being like this, well, it is a first step, to moving on to other… acts."

She seemed to consider that for a while.

"Kenshin… You said you were nervous, didn't you? That first night?"

"Hai Kaoru, I am a bit. It has been fourteen years, since I've done anything like this."

"Really?" She looked surprised. "You never… with anyone?"

"No, I did not."

"For such a long time…" She sounded almost sad. She twisted against him, leaning over and giving him a kiss.

Suddenly she moved her hand down into the water again. This time, he didn't stop her. Kaoru was feeling him, with a light and hesitant touch, over the soaked cloth of his underclothing. He closed his eyes and let himself focus on the feeling for a moment…

Sucking in a sharp breath, he pulled her hand out of the water. Holding her hand, he feathered kisses down her fingers.

"We will save the rest for later," he said faintly. Then he started laughing.

Her focused expression changed to an annoyed frown. "Hmmmph… Ken-shin… Are you really laughing at me?"

"No, no, I am only thinking about what Yahiko would say, if he knew what we were doing right now. We had a… talk before he left for the night, that we did."

Her frown stayed in place. "What about?"

"Well, in a round-about way, your honor, Kaoru-koishii." She flushed, and he chuckled again. "You are making it a little hard for this one to maintain it, that you are."

She bristled. " Well, _you_ are the one who wants to wait. And you haven't… we haven't even, you know."

It dawned on him what she was dancing around. "You are right, Kaoru." He pulled her across him, so she was cradled on his lap, his arms on her back and under her legs. "Kaoru-koishii, when would you like for us to marry?"

"Oh, tomorrow!" She paused, reconsidering. "But… I also would like our friends to be part of it..." She sighed. "Sano is probably long gone… but it would nice to share this with Misao and the rest of the Oniwanbashu, and even Megumi."

"Hm, tomorrow is a little short notice for that, Kaoru."

"I know, I know." She sighed again.

"Well. How about in two months? That should be enough time for them to prepare for the trip, and not have to worry about winter snows." He thought for a minute. "And it would be about a year then, since we met."

"Mm... okay… That should give enough time for them to come, without feeling like they had just left. And with a date picked… I think, I think I could wait that long."

"Alright, Kaoru-koishii. Let's say two months, in February. We can let everyone here in Tokyo know tomorrow." She put her arms around his neck, and he leaned in for another kiss.

* * *

><p>Kenshin left the bath first, to prepare dinner. Kaoru said she wanted to soak a while longer. He guessed that what she really wanted was a little time alone, to process and enjoy what they had just shared.<p>

A while later, he brought their meal to the dining table. Kaoru seemed to still be getting dressed in her room. But looking at the table, Kenshin saw that Kaoru must have come in before heading to her room, because all the white tsubaki flowers had been removed from her bouquet.

He shook his head with a smile. She was a force to be reckoned with, his Kaoru; he doubted if he'd ever be able to keep up with her.

Though he had been the one to suggest it, he had to admit two months did feel like a long time at the moment. However… he could think of a couple ways to tide them over until then...

He resolved to buy a fresh bouquet of flowers in the morning, the color of which he would decide when he got there.


	8. Intimacy

**You should follow my anime tumblr! **Again, I am shameless. It's called "animaniacal-laughter", and I'm currently makin' gifs from the live action movie.

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><p><strong>Also: <strong>I take beta-requests! I'm a good editor :)

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><p><strong>ShirahimeShou<strong>: Thanks! I'm a sucker for Yahiko and Kaoru being sweet towards each other. I actually debated not including that scene, but decided in the end that I liked that it was a strong parallel to an earlier chapter. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

**kaoruca: **Thanks so much for the long response!

**melay: **I definitely thought for a long time about how bold I wanted Kaoru to be; I think of her as a very bold person, so even though she is young and inexperienced, I don't of it as out of character. As context, I will say that in my imagining of the two weeks prior, she had been noticing Kenshin's physical reaction to her. If I had written anything from her perspective, I would have shown her noticing it most nights and getting more and more curious… hence the bath scene.

**emi: **I'll try my best…

**SilverFirelizard:** The live action movies are so awesome… just, such awesomeness, I can't stand it.

**epicCookie:** *I* certainly can't blame her…

**aerie:** That's the idea! In my mind, there is no way a man who hadn't been with a woman in 14 years and a woman with no experience would have a good connection just barreling through everything in one go. And Kenshin is a smart man, he can figure that out, and is settin' the pace :) Yes, let's burn all crappy sequels!

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><p><strong>This chapter is <em>most definitely<em> rated M, as a warning. **

Also emotionally, it's a little schizophrenic, but hopefully it works? Anyway, please review! Hope you enjoy!

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><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

A week after their bath together, as they left the engawa to go to sleep, Kaoru gave him a quick kiss at her door, then went in and closed it before he could follow her into her room.

Kenshin was confused. He placed his hand on the door and called out to her. "Kaoru-koishii? Why… Do you not want me to come in?"

"Um, it's not… I'm just not feeling well. So… well, I'll see you in the morning! Goodnight, Kenshin!"

He heard the now familiar sounds of her bustling around, getting ready for sleep. Sighing, he took his hand off the door. "Goodnight, Kaoru-koishii."

He had noticed her acting awkward and uncomfortable ever since their students arrived after lunch, but he couldn't put his finger on a reason for it. True, their kisses and touches last night on her futon, before falling asleep, had gotten rather heated…

He paused for a moment, savoring the memory. She had been beneath him, her yukata barely covering her chest, and he had slipped a hand underneath to massage her breasts. She had let out a low moan when he moved further down and replaced a hand with his mouth, sucking on a pert bud. He was settled between her legs, and she had leaned herself into his hips, his arousal brushing her inner thighs… Slowly coming to his senses, he had leaned up to give her mouth a final kiss, and rolled over to lie next to her. He had wished her a good night, and she had softly murmured good night in return.

That had been the closest they had come to moving further into uncharted territory, at least while on her futon. But he would not have thought it had been so surprising that she would act strangely the next day, in the middle of the afternoon…

In truth, he had thought she had been acting a little strange for a few days. Ever since they had returned from Kyoto, she hardly ever snipped at him, or acted annoyed towards him at all. But these past few days, she had seemed… testy.

As he reached his room, it suddenly dawned on him. Of course. How could he have forgotten?

He had lived with her, cleaning her house and washing her clothes, for almost a year now. Of course, he had never cleaned her undergarments, but still, there were small signs on her clothing from time to time. He hadn't ever noticed a change in her demeanor linked to this before; she was almost _always _ready to bicker with any of them, a characteristic of hers that he still found amusing. However, with their new closeness, he was finding new differences, new wrinkles in her demeanor. And her mood had definitely become more unstable the past couple days.

He was a little chagrined that she thought he wouldn't figure it out. He had been married before, after all, for months… Did she really think he didn't know about this, or that he would even care?

He sighed. What should he do? Should he just talk to her about it? Or leave it be for now?

Suddenly, an idea came to him. He grinned, already planning the days ahead.

* * *

><p>The next morning, when she left her room to start the day, he was there waiting for her.<p>

He had been keeping a close eye out for Yahiko, but the boy had been coming a little later in the morning, ever since their talk the week before. He hadn't arrived yet, which meant Kenshin was free to do what he had thought up the night before.

Before she noticed him behind her, he pulled her back against him, folding his arms around her in a tight hug. "Good morning, Kaoru-koishii."

She yelped as she took in what was happening. "Go-good morning, Kenshin." She tried to turn and face him, but he was holding her too close.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked, while his right hand slowly moved up to the lapel of her gi, his left arm lightly but securely wrapped around her lower body.

"Um… yes, fine, did-did you?" she stuttered. His lips were lightly grazing the side of her neck, and he used his chin to push the top of her gi a little farther down her shoulder.

"No, not really…" He had not slept nearly as well as he did with her in his arms… it had only been three weeks, but he already hated being away from her at night. His hand slipped under her clothes, and he caressed her left breast over her bandages.

"K-k-kenshin..."

He let her go and took a step back. Her breathing was a little fast, and she looked adorably disheveled from his unexpected attack.

He put his hands on her shoulders, and kissed the side of her head. "This one needs to get back to tending breakfast." With a light squeeze to her shoulders, he turned and walked to the kitchen.

He smiled when he heard her huff in frustration behind him.

* * *

><p>After several days of such treatment, he could tell Kaoru was about to burst.<p>

He knew he should feel at least a little bad to be frustrating her so, but he just couldn't quite come up with much regret. He had to admit, he found it liberating to do what ever came to his mind when he saw that they were alone, without having to worry they would go too far.

Three days ago, when she had left Yahiko alone in the dojo to take a quick break, he'd popped out and surprised her with another tight hug. The next day, when she came back from a quick trip to town, he hid near the entrance, and picked her up and twirled her around the moment she was back inside. And when she exited the bathhouse after a surprisingly short bath, he silently followed her until she was almost to her room, then spun her around for a kiss. Each time lasted only a few seconds, before he would disentangle himself from her, give her an innocent smile, and return to whatever he had been doing before, leaving her red and flustered behind him.

She was going to cave, and let him back into her bed tonight; he was sure of it.

However, even if he didn't regret the teasing attentions he was frequently paying her, he did feel a little bad for his actions the day before. Kaoru had taken Yahiko and their three older students to the Maekawa dojo, for a change of pace, and so they could have practice sparring with students from another style. She left the beginners with him for the day.

He found he did not like spending the whole day apart. It was the longest they had been apart since they had begun courting; he almost laughed at himself, for feeling so forlorn from only one short day away from her. He shouldn't feel so insecure about not having her near… but he couldn't deny his senses were heightened, his whole body a little more tense.

He was still worried, whenever she wasn't in his sight, that something might happen to her.

He shook his head trying to banish that worry. She was a capable woman, a strong fighter, and she was with Yahiko and her other students; Arakita's older brother, Juichi, especially showed promise. There were no enemies on the horizon, no known threats to speak of. She would be fine.

But he was still on edge, after he sent the younger students home for the day, waiting for her to return.

That edge only grew more and more intense, more like a real pang of fear, as the afternoon waned, and the shadow of the trees on the dojo walls grew longer and longer. Kenshin couldn't decide what to do; he had been seated against the wall surrounding the dojo, hoping to surprise her again, for what felt like hours now.

It truly hadn't been that long, but every second, for some reason, his nerves grew worse, his fear intensified. He found he couldn't make himself leave the wall, to start dinner as he needed to; he hadn't taken down the laundry, or started the bath… He was about to snap, and leave the dojo and go look for her, when he finally felt her presence approaching.

She hadn't even made it to the front gate before had her in his arms with her back against the outside wall, her body pressed tightly to him. He had the presence of mind to lift her a couple inches off the ground, twisting himself and racing just within the gate, before pressing her up against the wall again and kissing her deeply.

When he finally broke the kiss, he started panting into her shoulder. "Kaoru…"

"What- what's wrong, Kenshin? Are you… alright?"

He tilted his head up to look into her eyes. His heart fell, to see tinges of fear and worry in her eyes. She looked genuinely startled. "This one is fine Kaoru-dono… this one was just waiting for you to come back." He sighed, and lightly lowered her feet back to the ground. "This one was worried. This one shouldn't have been, but…"

"No, I'm sorry, Kenshin. I… went to town, after practice, with Yahiko. To see Tae." She looked worried, as if she thought he was upset with her.

"Of course, Kaoru-dono, of course. This one wouldn't wish you to not go to see your friend when you wish." He breathed in again, returning his mask of calm. "Did you have a good chat?"

"Ye-es, I did. She and I were meeting to talk about, well, the wedding."

"Oh. That sounds enjoyable. Did the two of you come to some decisions?"

"Hmm, yes. Of course she is offering to help too much with everything but it's alright, because I…"

Kaoru proceeded to nervously babble on about everything she and Tae had talked over, as Kenshin numbly followed her to the kitchen, to finally start preparing dinner for them.

They had a pleasant but slightly more reserved meal than usual, and he had taken the night off from giving her unexpected attention. He had merely squeezed her hand as he wished her good night, after their tea. Then he went to his own room, for once going to bed before she did.

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><p>Since their students had the day off from practice, this morning he went to the market, and bought all the groceries for the week ahead. Still feeling guilty for his irrational reaction to her absence, he also had gotten her another fresh bouquet, the same red tsubaki he had gotten last week.<p>

As he walked home with his heavy parcels, he thought about how to best explain his reaction yesterday to her. They _still_ had yet to discuss what had happened during Enishi's Jinchuu, but seeing her fear and worry over his own anxiety, he wondered if now was the proper time to bring it up. But how he could admit to her, the terrible way he had fallen apart when he had believed her dead? The way he had abandoned their friends, their ideals…

When he made it back the dojo, he saw that Kaoru was sitting on the engawa alone, looking intently at something in her hands. He decided to surprise her again, hoping that would break any tension left from the day before.

Leaving all his purchases by the gate, he snaked his way around the front yard, making it to her side without her noticing him. Up close, he could see that in her hand was a letter, and from the handwriting, it had to be…

"A letter from Megumi-dono?"

She started, and began to get up, but he was sitting next to her and had pulled her onto his lap before she could stand.

"K-kk-kenshin! What are you doing! Let me go!"

Startled by the vehemence of her reaction, he lifted his hands away from her, and let her scramble off his lap.

"Don't DO that!" she yelled, as she stood up and turned back to him with an angry look on her face.

"This one is sorry, Kaoru…" He was stunned by her reaction. She hadn't ever seemed angry to be surprised the past few days, only perhaps a little annoyed…

"Well, you don't seem sorry! You've been driving me crazy, the way you've been pouncing on me, making me feel strange things all week…" Suddenly her face became very red, and she turned and ran inside.

Still stunned, he sat still for a minute, remorse flowing through his body. He thought he heard a soft cry coming from down the hall…

With that he jumped to his feet and followed her.

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><p>She was quietly crying in her room. He hesitated for a moment, thoughts in a turmoil, trying to think through what had upset her.<p>

"Kaoru-koishii? Please, may this one come in?"

He heard her sniffle, and then softly, "Alright."

He opened the door, came in, and slowly closed it behind him. He turned to see her seated on her futon, and knelt beside her.

"Did… I scare you, Kaoru? I am very sorry, that I am…"

"No, no, Kenshin, it's not that. I'm… I _have_ been a little annoyed at you, but I'm not really upset because of you…" She sniffled again. "I just, I just have been feeling strange, and then I read the letter… so when you teased me again, I just sort of… snapped." She sighed. "And _then_ I felt terrible for yelling at you… I'm sorry."

Her confession eased a little the terrible knot of worry in his chest. He put his hand on her shoulder, and scooted his knees a little closer to hers.

"There is no need to apologize. I have perhaps been teasing you too much. I thought it would be fun… but I should have asked…"

"Oh, it _is_ fun, but… I just… it makes me feel strange, when you do things like that." She paused. "And yesterday… you did worry me yesterday…"

"This one is sorry… and I think we should talk about that, I do." He settled himself next to her so their thighs were touching, and moved his arm around her waist. First he wanted to be sure he understood the whole of what had happened. "What did the letter say, that upset you?"

"Well, in her letter, Megumi… she said she wouldn't be able to make it to the wedding." Kaoru was holding her hands together tightly, and she let out a small sniffle. "Sh-she just can't leave Aizu and her patients yet, it's too soon."

"That is unhappy news, that it is." He held her close, waiting for her to say more.

"And I just, after talking to Tae yesterday, too, it just seems like a wedding with guests is a much bigger thing to plan than I expected, and I'm worried about the money, and I was thinking, well, I _did _want Megumi to come, more than I thought… I was sort of hoping to talk to her about… a few… things." Suddenly she turned to grip his gi and bury her face against his chest.

He sucked in a breath. "About… what things, Kaoru?" It seemed he might be able to get to the bottom of her discomfort with him from the past few days.

"Well, about… well about being with a man, and what, you know, we will _do…"_

"Kaoru, you can talk to _me_ these things, you know that, don't you?" So she _was _nervous and uncertain about moving forward, as he had assumed. He gripped her arms and pulled her up from his chest.

She had her expression fixed on his chin, a beautiful blush on her face. "Well, yes, but it's kind of embarrassing… This week, I just, I didn't want you to, well, to see or…"

"Kaoru." He tilted his head to the side to look into her eyes. "It is not embarrassing."

"But… but Kenshin, I'm _bleeding_, and you… you hate to see… blood…"

He hissed in a breath. "Oh, Kaoru…"

Then he let out a strangled cry, and crushed her against him. He felt tears form in his eyes, but he stopped them and managed to lay down with her on the futon, her head cradled again in the crook of his neck.

It was time for this conversation, the one he had been putting off.

"Kaoru-koishii… I've never asked you about this before, but I want to know… How much do you know, about what happened while you were kidnapped by Enishi?"

"Oh… Misao told me some, and so did Megumi…." She sounded uncertain, her voice muted by his clothing, and he waited for her to continue.

"They said, that you went off alone somewhere, and that you were… full of despair about it… about that doll, the doll that looked like me, that Enishi left…"

Her hands gripped his gi tighter.

"Yes, Kaoru… I saw his doll, and I thought it was you, with a sword through your heart, and my scar on your cheek… your blood covering the dojo floor." He inwardly groaned, abhorring even the shadow of that memory. "I fled. I ran away when no one was watching, so I didn't have to see, but… that image wouldn't leave me. It was all I could see, for days to come.

"It paralyzed me. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I didn't _move… _ Everyone came to me, begging me to come back, to avenge you, to stop Enishi… but I wouldn't respond to them. I couldn't hear… Your blood was on my hands, the woman I loved, dead on my account, again…"

He was staring up at the ceiling, and since Kaoru was making no noise, he couldn't tell her reaction. He rushed on.

"I was only able to resolve to move again, resolve to _live_ again, when Tsubame-dono came to see me, not to beg for revenge, or justice, or anything as unattainable as reversing the past wrongs that had been done… but instead, to beg for me to help Yahiko, who was fighting to stop one of Enishi's allies in my place.

"It was those two children, who still had each other, still believed in the possibility of a world without mindless violence and killing… it's been them I've been fighting for all this time.

"They were why I was able to stand again." He paused, tipping her chin up so he could see her face. She had silent tears falling from her eyes, and he pulled her body further up against his, kissing her tears away.

"Kaoru. The bleeding you are doing now, it has nothing to do with the bleeding that comes from killing, that comes with death. The blood that comes from you, it signifies the possibility of creating new life."

"Kenshin…" She leaned in and let him touch their lips together for a brief moment. "I didn't… I didn't think of it like that." She paused. "So… so, you are saying, you want to be around me, even when I'm… even during this time of the month?"

"Yes, of course Kaoru. How could I ever _not_ want to be near you?" He moved his hand from her chin to caress her shoulder. "Though, that does remind me…"

He paused again, considering how he could best convey this thought. "We have been holding each other, touching, kissing, but… there is one thing I want us to reserve until we are officially married. I assume, that was what you wanted to talk to Megumi-dono about?"

She colored, seeming to understand him. "Ye-es, I did."

He sighed, and continued. "Before we go further in such things, I wanted to ask… What are your feelings, about having children? Do you want to wait for awhile, before…?"

She cut in, her eyes shining bright, "Oh, oh Kenshin, I would like, I would like… a child, but… um, what about you?" She looked down.

He tilted her face back up to his with nudge of his nose and a soft, short kiss. "I… want a child, too. I don't care when."

She blushed. "I want, I want _your_ child… anytime… even if it is right away…"

She was looking directly into his eyes, and he brushed his hand over her cheek. "The only thing I want is for us to wait until we are married," he said, looking at her with a serious expression.

He thought about telling her, that any act of love they did right then would likely not lead to a child… but there were still steps to go through, things he wanted them to do together. It wasn't yet time, but soon, soon there were other things they could try.

They held each other for a while longer, calming and comforting each other. He felt at peace again, having finally admitted his shameful actions to her, and hopefully soothing some of her fears at the same time. Kaoru was breathing evenly against his chest.

After a few minutes, he gently removed his arms from around her, and rose from the futon. "I will go retrieve the groceries, and start lunch. Would you like to help?"

She sat up and brought her knees up to her chest. "Yes, Kenshin, that sounds nice. I'll be out a few minutes."

He set off, knowing it might take a little longer than a few minutes for her to make it out of her room. He needed a little more time to collect himself as well.

* * *

><p>It started to snow early in the afternoon. Kenshin went around the dojo making sure all doors and windows were secured against the weather, and swept the path to the house clear of snow, while Kaoru did some solitary practice in the dojo. He and Kaoru ended up eating a late dinner, sitting near the kitchen fire to stay warm. Given the weather, and the hour, they decided to skip their nightly tea. In any case, they had already bared their hearts to each other enough for one day.<p>

As they finished washing and replacing the last of the dishes, Kenshin turned to her.

"May I stay with you tonight, Kaoru?

She looked over at him, a small smile on her face. "Yes, Kenshin. Actually, I think it… stopped. I'm not, you know, um, bleeding any more…"

He grinned at her, smiling for the first time that day, and felt his passions rise. After the stresses of that morning, truly, of the whole _week_, he thought it might be the perfect time to try something new with her… "Kaoru, I wouldn't give it any mind, even if you were."

He went over and picked her up by hooking his arms under her legs and back. She yelped, but followed with a giggle, as he walked them to her room.

"So, Kaoru… you said that you've been feeling strange the past few days, from my teasing… How _exactly _have you been feeling strange?" he said, putting her down to lie on her futon, and kneeling next to her.

"Oh, well, inside, I… sort of… ache…" she said while blushing prettily.

He placed his hand over her lower abdomen, pressing down lightly. "Here?" He looked at her with a small amount of amusement. Of course he knew where she meant, but he wanted her to tell him.

Her face was incredibly red. "Ye-es, but also… a little lower…"

He smiled wider at her shyness. "Hmm, I won't be able to do anything about_ that_, unless we take our clothes off…" he said while moving both hands towards her obi.

He paused with his hands on the tie, giving her a questioning look, asking for her permission. A smile came to her face, and she nodded and made an approving sound.

Though he had not removed an obi in some time, it did not take long for him to divest her of it, and push her kimono open to bare her body to his sight. He sighed happily, to see her naked before him again… she was as perfect in the moonlight as she had been in the bath.

She was looking up at him, with an expectant look in her eyes, and he chuckled a little. "Hai, Kaoru, I know, I know…" He quickly untied his hakama, and slipped it along with his undergarments down his legs. He then slowly took his arms out of his gi and moved to lie atop her. To protect them from the cold, he pulled the blanket over their bodies.

He sighed, feeling a little uncertain again, now that they had reached this point… "Does this feel alright, Kaoru-koishii?"

"Hai, Kenshin. I… like this a lot. I'm a little scared, but also excited…"

He smiled, and stroked her hair. "Well, we will start with something small. I have an idea, how I can be forgiven, for making you feel strange…"

He slipped his hands lower down her body, and stroked her breasts, before moving his head down under the blanket and licking the small depression in the center of her collarbone.

She sighed, and her hands moved into his hair.

He moved his hands lower, pulling her underwrap down, until it was around her thighs. Then he quickly sat back on his knees so he could remove it all the way. Her hands pulled through his long locks as he did so, causing his hair to fall loose around his shoulders.

As he came back up, to return his mouth and one hand to her chest, he used his other hand to slowly caress her inner thigh, moving further up until he softly touched her between her legs.

She let out a soft cry.

He started kneading her slowly, listening carefully to determine which touches she liked best. She was making all sorts of sounds, sounds he had never heard before… She was very damp below, and becoming more so. He finally slipped the tip of his finger inside her, and she yelped.

"Ken-shin… the… the strange feeling is getting stranger…"

"How so, Koishii? Tell me…"

"I… I don't know… it's more, intense…"

"That is good… tell me more." She was twitching a little, and he added another finger, his thumb caressing her small bud that lay just above her opening. "Tell me what to do… Tell me what feels good."

With each of her cries, he felt himself becoming more and more aroused.

"Keep… keep going… Ken-shin…" she sobbed out, and to his utter surprise, she began to spasm in his arms. Already… He was not expecting it to happen so soon. It had always taken much longer with Tomoe, and he hadn't even managed it until a couple months of marriage. All women truly are different… He had heard as much from all the various strange places he had been, whenever men had gathered to talk away from women. He offered a silent prayer of thanks that he could give the woman before him such pleasure with his unworthy hands. Pausing his movements, he let her relax for a moment. Then he started moving his hand again, hoping to get another reaction from her.

But she grasped his arm, stopping him from continuing.

"Kenshin… that, what was that?"

He brushed a few strands of hair away from her face. Some time during his ministrations her hair had come out of its tie… He smiled lovingly at her. "That, Koishii, is one way for me to give you pleasure."

She looked up at the ceiling for a moment, and then moved to sit up. He rolled to the side, and looked at her with what he was sure was a satisfied grin, elbow on the futon and his head in his raised hand.

She was still breathing hard. "That felt wonderful… can I… can I give you pleasure, too?"

He bowed his head for a moment, a little stunned. Well, she _was_ one for giving, and for fair play… He breathed in, and decided he would let her. "Yes, Koishii, if you would like… Why don't we trade places?"

He laid himself down beside her, and she turned to straddle one of his legs. The blanket had fallen further down the futon at some point, but he didn't mind. They were both flushed and warm, and this allowed him to see her; he adored the light sheen of sweat on her body that glowed faintly in the moonlight, the way her hair fell over her shoulders in a wave of black silk.

She tentatively placed her hands on his chest, and moved her head down to take one of his nipples in her mouth. Her hair tickled him on his sides; between her hands, mouth, and hair he felt shivers run down his whole body.

She looked up into his eyes, a questioning look on her face. "Kenshin…"

"Yes, Koishii?" he whispered hoarsely.

"Um, what, what would you like me to do?"

He closed his eyes for a moment, wondering whether to let her just continue naturally, or… "Hm… you could put your hands on me again… like you did, in the bath…" He blushed a little at his own forwardness, but she had asked…

She gave him a huge smile, and sat back on her knees, scooting down a little to look at him. His manhood had been erect now for quite some time, and she looked at it with an intense expression, as if trying to determine how best to approach it, as if it were an opponent... He almost laughed at her seriousness, finding it utterly adorable, but he doubted she would appreciate a laugh at the moment. So he waited.

Finally she put her hands on him. But her touch was hesitant, as if she was afraid of hurting him, of doing something wrong. So he took hold of her hands, and guided her along his length. She started slowly shifting her hands up and down as he indicated.

But after a few seconds of this, Kenshin realized that the way he had placed her hands on him… she was gripping him like a sword hilt.

He couldn't stop himself from laughing.

"Wha- what's funny? You're laughing, again?" She didn't seem angry, only confused, and a little hurt.

Still chuckling, he managed to speak. "I am sorry, it is not you, it is me… I've been correcting grips too much the past few weeks…"

She looked down at her hands, and with a flash of comprehension, suddenly she was laughing too. She lay her head down on his chest, and he squeezed her to him, as they lay together laughing uncontrollably at their own silliness.

Once they both managed to calm down, Kaoru sat back on her heels and tried moving her hands over him again, this time without his instruction. Kenshin felt something start to build up inside him, a familiar feeling, but one that had not felt this pleasurable in over a decade.

He called out to her, whispering her name, telling her to go faster, or softer, or just to keep moving… she was a little rough, a little uneven, but he found he did not care, it was working fantastically, inside his chest his heart was pounding and lower down the muscles in his body were constricting; a tightness formed inside that suddenly… burst…

He felt himself emptying, releasing himself more intensely than he had in years, spurting and shaking and seeing lights behind his eyes… He heard her gasp of surprise, but he found he couldn't raise his head, as he came down from his high. A sweet and comfortable exhaustion filled his body.

"Wow, Kenshin… I didn't know it was like that…"

"Mmmm…" His eyes began to refocus, and he saw she had laid her head back down, her hair fanned out on his chest. He slowly ran his hands through her hair, tickling her back with the ends of its strands. He murmured to her, sounds of contentment and love, indescribably happy to lay together with her like this, having just given each other such sweet feelings…

After a few minutes of rest, he noticed that Kaoru's heartbeat, which he could feel beating against his stomach, was still elevated, still pounding. He grinned, and in a flash he had flipped her over. Getting a squeak of surprise, he moved to touch her again.


	9. Memories

Thank you, so, so much for the reviews. They literally make my day, every time I see one.

Author notes this time are a little less specific.

I've gotten a couple questions about how far I'm taking this story… I have always intended to take it quite a bit further than the wedding, through to some ideas around the five year epilogue (hence the "family" tag). But given that the further the story gets from the end of the manga, the harder it is to make it feel genuine, I'm definitely going to be updating quite a bit slower. I'm also working on another story, and life has gotten busier...

So if you like the story still, keep watching for updates! I promise to mark the end. If it doesn't say "the end" at the bottom, I'm not done yet.

Another note about "historical accuracy": As I said at the beginning, I did some research… and everything I read so thoroughly depressed me, as I probably should have seen coming, that I decided to stop for a while. Women's place in history is usually pretty miserable to think about.

My perspective about historical accuracy in RK fanfiction is that the original work was written two decades ago about a "loosely" historical period, by someone in a very different country and culture than my own. Even for the period, which itself was going through radical change, these two were very atypical people.

What I wanted most was to show them moving through their physical relationship slowly and realistically. In my mind, I don't see Kenshin caring particularly about custom. My reasoning for that: he was a farmer's kid, not from the samurai class originally, then he was raised by a strange hermit man, then he spent several very traumatic years fully immersed in samurai culture just as it was being torn down… then he wandered the whole country for 10 years, I'm sure coming across all sorts of customs, cultures, and ideas. I don't see him as one that would have a great deal of reverence for the customs of the Edo period or the new ones of the Meiji. In my imagining, he is polite and humble because what he wants most to put people at ease, and to show people he respects them so that they are not afraid of him. But he's not one to stand on ceremony; he touches Kaoru fairly frequently in the manga, even when they had just met.

I'm new to this fandom and not someone who has done a lot of studying of Japan. But I love history and keeping things real. However, I also know that what I write will be better if I primarily base it off what I took in from the show and manga, and don't try and include too much about things I'm only starting to look into.

Okay, so this is not quite as fluffy as previous chapters. This idea comes from a lot of places (doujinshi, other fanfics, trauma studies), but again, hope it's unique enough to be interesting. Happy Valentine's Day?

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9<strong>

The next morning, Kenshin woke up much earlier than Kaoru did. In fact, she was what woke him; at some point in the night she had twisted over and curled up against his side, perhaps in response to the coldness of the night and the novelty of sleeping without clothes. The feeling of her warmth on his chest had gently roused him, and unwilling to wake her in return, he spent the remaining time before the sun rose watching her sleep.

He stared at the peaceful expression on her face, wondering if he would always find something surprising and different there.

This morning, her hair was rumpled, haphazardly falling around their bodies. He could see a faint red mark on her cheek, from lying on him, before he had gently moved her head into a more comfortable position against his shoulder. She looked younger while asleep: not a particularly pleasant thought, but it made him feel fiercely protective of her. He had always felt that way, from the moment he had laid eyes on her, but the strength of that feeling could still surprise him.

Some time after the sun began to rise, she slowly started stirring. He smiled at her as she lifted her head, her eyes still a little foggy with sleep.

"Good morning, Kaoru."

She yawned, stretching her face and scrunching her eyes together. As she woke further, blinking sleepily up at him, a smile graced her lips as well. "Good morning, Kenshin."

"Sleep well?" He broadened his smile and gave her a squeeze.

She giggled. "Yes. Very well. Did you?"

"I always sleep well in here."

She sighed happily and laid her head down. "Mmmm… I want to just stay here all day, don't you? But… I suppose we should get up. Yahiko will probably be here on time, since he had the day off yesterday..."

"That is a good point; though, it is still rather early." He stroked her hair lightly, smoothing down the strands that were sticking up at odd angles.

She yawned in protest. Kissing her forehead, he shifted her over to his side and sat up from the futon. When he looked back down at her, he could tell there was something on her mind; she was biting her lip in the way she did whenever she had an errant thought.

"Koishii? Is something wrong?" he asked.

"Oh. No… I just. Well. It's just that I've never seen you in the daylight before."

He looked down at his naked torso, realizing what she meant.

"And… you haven't seen me…" she continued, a light blush on her face.

He almost chuckled. She still had some shyness around him? After so many nights spent together? He was finding it easier and easier to be around her, to feel comfortable, no longer overcome with worries about scaring or disappointing her.

"Well, why don't we fix that?" Kenshin shifted onto his knees and let the blanket fall off completely.

She was clearly affected by his total openness. He couldn't deny being a little surprised by it, himself. It was not a careless thing for him, to show her his whole body in the bright morning light, his body that was covered with signs of the blood he had shed, his own and others.

She slowly removed the blanket from her own body, and sat up facing him.

They looked at each other, simply staring for a few moments. He noticed contours and edges on her that he hadn't managed to take in during their bath weeks before. At that time, there had been too many new and intense feelings, too much to see and touch, to notice everything about her. Kenshin's eyes traveled across her chest, over her shoulders, and down… he stopped. There was a long, red mark on her side, between two ribs and a few fingers below her breast. He hadn't noticed it before. It looked to be a scar, from an old wound, but it must have been a particularly bad one from the look of it. He reached over and touched her there, running his fingers over the faded mark.

"Kaoru… when did this…"

She looked down, and colored a little. "Oh, that. It's nothing! It was just something that happened when I was young." When he continued to stare at her, she blushed more, and looked at the ground. "I, well. I was climbing on the walls and gate to the dojo, and, well a kimono isn't very easy to climb in, so I started hitching it up… and then some boy from the dojo yelled at me, and I was so annoyed I yelled back and… lost my balance." She sighed. "I fell and hit the edge of gate, and it left a big gash in my side."

He couldn't help imagining her hitting her head, or worse… He gripped her shoulders lightly. At this touch, she looked up. "But I barely remember it, Dr. Gensai came and patched me up right away. I mean, it was hard, staying cooped up for the whole time it took to heal, at least, that's what my mother…" She suddenly clammed up, and looked to the side.

"Koishii?"

"Oh, I just… It's been a long time since I thought about that time. And… I hadn't really thought about, well, about the fact that neither of them, my parents I mean, will be here. For the wedding." Having said that, she turned to look at him again. Her eyes were filled with a strange mix of sadness and joy. "But _you're_ here now. You're here with me."

He pulled her into his arms. "Kaoru-dono has scars too…" She was showing them to him, one by one, but it was oddly comforting, to remember she had suffered in the past, as well. That she needed him, as he needed her.

She brought her arms around his back. Her voice was soft, but he could still hear her words. "Not ones that matter. Not anymore."

"I feel the same." He slid his hands down her back, and he wrapped his arms around to clutch at her sides, his thumb gently tracing her scar, wishing it away, along with every other pain in her life. Wishing that, despite his doubts, his presence could do that for her.

* * *

><p>Two weeks before the wedding, Misao and Aoshi arrived from Kyoto.<p>

A month before, when they had received Misao's letter asking if she and Aoshi could come and stay at the dojo for two weeks before the wedding, Kaoru had immediately written back with an enthusiastic "yes." Misao said in her letter that they wanted to come early, to help out in any way, but also to make their stay long enough to be worth the trip, without imposing on the newlyweds after the wedding.

This had seemed like a much better idea a month ago, when Kenshin and Kaoru had only just started to explore each other.

They had become very adept at the use of their hands over the last month. He loved touching and kissing her; every part of her was soft, yet supple and strong, and she tasted wonderful.

Kaoru was as surprising to him in bed as she had been everywhere else. Two weeks before, she had been exploring, kissing his body while he sighed happily and stroked her arms, as she moved lower and lower… and then, she had taken him into her mouth. He had _heard_ of such a thing, of course, but it hadn't crossed his mind to ask for it. In return, he had used his mouth on her, and he found that he very much enjoyed her taste. And she loved it, as she had enthusiastically told him the next morning, even more than when he used his hands.

It was easier to keep a respectable distance from the other in public, knowing that once night fell, and they were alone in her room, they could do or say whatever they felt to each other. Thinking of being in her arms was the best remedy he had ever found for painful thoughts, thoughts that seemed to have come for him more often in the past year than in all his years of wandering.

Kenshin suspected if they asked any of their close friends, their new-found intimacy was undoubtably apparent, from the gleam he could see in Kaoru's eyes whenever she looked him, a gleam he was sure he was reflecting back to her.

Today, however, Kenshin was determined for the two of them to be on their best behavior. Kaoru and Yahiko were standing next to him on the train platform, waiting for the train carrying Misao and Aoshi to arrive. Kenshin had his hands inside his gi, his haori pulled closed over his chest. He regretted that he could not put his arm around Kaoru, to warm her. She was fidgiting a little from the cold. Or perhaps she was just excited to see her friend again.

Kenshin wasn't feeling quite as enthusiastic. Misao was a lively and enjoyable girl to have around, but… she did love teasing him. He wondered what fresh taunts she would have for him this time around.

Alright, he did miss her. But then there was Aoshi. He would always consider the man a close friend and ally, after what he had done for him at the end, in Shishio's headquarters, and more so for his intelligence during Jinchuu. Without him, who knows how long they might have thought Kaoru dead…

But Aoshi was still a bit of an enigma to him. Kenshin had never had close male friends, until Sano, and as much as he missed having Sano as a confidant, Kenshin doubted Aoshi would ever fill that role.

He sighed, causing Kaoru to briefly give him a questioning look. Of course, the main reason he regretted inviting their guests to stay for so long was that it meant he would have to spend the next two weeks sleeping in his own room.

He had deliberately settled on the two month wait for their wedding, so that they could spend the remaining time becoming familiar with each other. Of course, once they had started, Kaoru seemed to want to go faster and faster, severely testing Kenshin's resolve.

In truth, there wasn't much reason, besides Kenshin's own qualms, for them not to go on to the act that would make them man and wife. He had to wonder over his apprehension, as he couldn't truly put his finger on a cause for it. Kaoru was proving to love the intimacy they shared, which he was very gratified by. The next part may prove painful for her, but likely only a little, not enough to cause the reluctance he felt. Perhaps it was the fear that their next steps would be disappointing, after the other things they had already done together? He certainly couldn't last as long with his own sex, as he could with his hands.

He started daydreaming, remembering the evening a few days before, when he had kept her gasping and moaning for over an hour…

"Kenshin! The train's coming! I can see it!" Yahiko rushed forward on the platform, leaning over to look at the slowly approaching train on the horizon.

"Yahiko! Don't lean over the tracks like that! It's dangerous!" Kaoru grapped the back of Yahiko's gi to pull him back.

"Geez, do you have to grab me like that? It's not like I'm dumb enough to fall…"

Kenshin snapped out of his thoughts, and smiled indulgently at the pair.

"Yahiko, the train is still a ways off, but it is not the best idea to lean over the platform, no it is not."

"I know, I know." Yahiko crossed his arms and leaned far enough back to placate them.

"In any case, we should move off the platform. No need to for us to become covered in soot," Kenshin said.

The train finally pulled into the station, casting steam and smoke around those gathered there. Once the passengers began to disembark, Aoshi was immediately visible, his head towering above the crowd, his striking Western clothes still a rarity. He in turn noticed their group right away; Kenshin did always stick out like a sore thumb.

Once Aoshi was close enough for them to call out greetings, the much smaller figure of Misao, dressed properly in a hakama no less, became visible at his side.

"Himura! Kaoru! Yahiko! We're here!" Misao rushed forward to give Kaoru a big hug, which Kaoru accepted happily. "Eek, what a rotten trip. Trains are so crowded and smelly, can you believe it? And the noise…"

"Oh, I don't know, Misao, I thought it was rather fun when we came to Kyoto." Kaoru said good-naturedly.

"Well, of course! And it's fun to be here! It's just the travelling that's no fun…"

While the two girls kept chatting, Kenshin went over to greet Aoshi. "Hello, Aoshi. How have you been?"

"I have been well, Himura. Yourself?" His expression was as placid as ever, but he looked a little more cheerful than their last meeting. Well, perhaps a very little.

"This one is well, as you see." Kenshin gestured down at himself, indicating a lack of injuries. "Shall we head to the dojo? This one is sure you both would like to rest."

Aoshi nodded silently, and the two walked back over to the three younger members of their group, who seemed to be in the midst of a heated discussion about the advantages and disadvantages of train travel.

Kenshin smiled ruefully. It would be an eventful couple of weeks.

* * *

><p>The next week was trying. Before their guests' arrival, Kaoru had been fairly calm and blasé about the upcoming wedding, but now that Misao was there, the two of them seemed to be in motion non-stop, constantly bustling through the house, thinking and planning what food to serve at the reception, what flowers to buy, what favors to offer. Kenshin enjoyed seeing the two of them so happy, but he sorely missed spending time alone with Kaoru. They were keeping him rather busy as well, sending him to town to get supplies, or to ask Tae or some other supplier questions.<p>

But by the end of the day, Kaoru was always too tired to stay up and share tea on the engawa with him. Kenshin headed to bed alone every night, and an apprehensive feeling started to grow in the pit of his stomach.

After a few nights alone, Kenshin found that his nightmares were returning.

These dreams had a cruel crimson tint overlaid on top of them, scenes from the day merging into the worst of his flashes and memories from the war—ones he thought he had left behind him—and then morphing into images of the more recent pains he had suffered.

Images of Kaoru in pain, Kaoru crying, Kaoru in danger, Kaoru covered in blood… And one that kept returning, of Kaoru falling and bashing her head against a wooden plank, to be left lying on the ground with her limbs spread akimbo and her eyes open and lifeless. He would start awake the moment this image arrived in his dreams, panting and covered in sweat.

To wake without her by his side seemed to be fueling these dreams, increasing their frequency and intensity.

The skin under his eyes began to take on a slight blue-ish tinge, as his sleep became more and more disturbed. He hid it as best he could during the day, his bangs and usual smile coming in handy, and given the commotion around the house, and the amount of time he spent away from it, his unease managed to pass unnoticed by everyone. Or so he thought.

* * *

><p>A few days before the wedding, in Kaoru's place, it was Aoshi who joined him for tea, sitting with him while they maintained a calm silence, watching and listening to the late winter snow begin to melt. The weather was warm for early February; Kenshin could feel the chill slowly subside further each night. It was a pleasant feeling, one he had always looked forward to during his wanderings. The return of spring and warmth was a renewal that he had always desperately needed, a reminder every year that life went on, that nothing stayed the same forever. That winter always came to an end.<p>

These felt like appropriate thoughts for the week before his wedding, but given his disquiet of late, he wished these new thoughts would banish the his recent nightmares from his head. He decided he would have to ask Kaoru for some time alone with her tomorrow. They could go for a walk by the stream, just to be together. Though, that might be impossible, given the melting snow and the terrible state of the walking paths around town…

Aoshi cleared his throat, startling Kenshin from his reverie. "Yes, Aoshi?"

"It seems that you are uneasy."

"Oh? It does?" Kenshin knew Aoshi was uncannily perceptive, but he hadn't thought he would wish to discuss Kenshin's cares.

"Yes." Aoshi paused. "Are you troubled by Misao and my presence?"

Kenshin hesitated, unsure of what to say.

Aoshi continued. "That might be too severe. I meant that you have been more on edge the longer we have been here. Is it the approaching wedding, then?"

Kenshin sighed. "It's a little of both, this one supposes." He paused, wondering what to say. "It is a difficult thing, to be on the brink of a change, is it not? When the days are taken up by preparations and business, they no longer seem like themselves."

"Mm." Aoshi and Kenshin sat for another moment, taking sips of their tea.

Aoshi surprised Kenshin by speaking again. "That sounds like an excuse."

"Oh?" Kenshin set his tea down and crossed his arms, curious where the man was going.

"We are both men who use routine and peaceful pursuits to find solace. However… I do not believe it is the change in routine that has made you uneasy." Aoshi had his eyes fixed on his tea, his words coming out evenly and without discernable emotion.

"You may be right. What would you suggest, then?" Kenshin said mildly; he was genuinely surprised, but not unhappy, about where this conversation was going.

"The coming change itself, of course. The finality of it." Aoshi took another sip of his tea. "I do not mean to say that you do not wish for it. It is only, that by marrying Kamiya-san, you know you are tying your solace to her."

Aoshi turned his head to look at Kenshin, and fixed his sharp gaze on him. "Your solace is a heavy burden, for anyone to handle, let alone a young girl."

Kenshin had to look away, a humorless smile on his face. "This one supposes you would have some experience in this matter," he muttered. He returned his gaze to the man at his side. "Aoshi—are you also referring to your own situation, with Misao?"

Aoshi raised an eyebrow. "We were speaking of your concerns. Our situations are rather different."

"If you say so." Kenshin shifted uncomfortably, rearranging his arms as he debated how to continue the conversation. Aoshi did have good insights, and since he seemed willing to talk… and Kenshin had been lamenting not having another man to talk to about these things. "You are right, of course. I _am _worried about burdening Kaoru-dono. I have… coped for all these years, by avoiding contact with others. Now, after only a year, I somehow cannot find solace anywhere but by her side. It frightens me, to rely on another so. To know that I could burden her with my cares."

Kenshin sighed. "You know the bitterness that men such as ourselves can impart to others, especially those who wish to take in our pain."

"You have spoken to her about this?"

"Yes, to some extent. But… speaking about it, in some ways, that is changing me as well." Kenshin closed his eyes and took another sip of tea, hoping to calm himself. "It was easier for me, when I simply did not to think about the past. Discussing it… brings it back to the forefront of my mind."

"'There's no excuse to run from reality.' I believe I've heard those words somewhere before." Aoshi didn't even have the grace to smile as he said it.

Kenshin laughed, but without any real humor. "Giving me back my own words?"

Aoshi just looked at him, so Kenshin continued. "But it does not matter, whatever my worries are. I made my decision months ago. Truthfully… I made my decision when I came back here, after Kyoto. As you did, when you chose to return to the Aoiya, after our last fight."

"I would argue it does matter. But only for the future happiness of both you and Kamiya-san," Aoshi said, and then he stood abruptly. "It is a little too late tonight, but I will make arrangements for Misao and myself to stay at an inn starting tomorrow. You should take time to practice breaking your habit of secrecy now."

Kenshin gaped up at the man. This _was _Shinomori Aoshi, yes? Well, he supposed all men held multitudes. And it was advice Aoshi was likely thinking of taking for himself, at that. "Thank you, Aoshi. I have been working on that… but this one appreciates your advice."

"Mm." Aoshi gave him a tiny nod, and then walked away, disappearing into the dark corridors of the house.

Kenshin shook his head. He did not wish to tell Kaoru of the dark thoughts that ran through his mind at times. And yet, even if it was all the sharing of his past from the last few months that had awakened his memories further, or reopened his old wounds, every time he had shared something of himself with her, only good things had followed. He would trust that this path forward was the best one, for both of them.

* * *

><p>"… And then I wake up." Kenshin looked down at the wooden floor below him, and not at the woman at his side.<p>

Kaoru gently stroked his arm, as he finished describing his recurring dream to her.

She had been a little surprised at the sudden departure of their guests that evening, but when Kenshin had asked to speak with her on the engawa, it seemed as if the reason had clicked in her mind.

She already could see through to his purposes.

"And that's why you've seemed so tired of late?" Kaoru asked, a resigned tone to her voice, as if she had been waiting for this confession.

He smiled sheepishly as he glanced over at her. "Yes. I am sorry that I didn't talk to you sooner, I suppose I didn't want to worry you so close to the wedding."

"Baka. Of course I was worried. But only a little. I figured you'd tell me eventually." He was taken aback by the brightness in her eyes. "I knew if I waited, you'd tell me what was wrong."

"I think… that is what is worrying me. I don't wish to burden you-"

"Kenshin." She cut him off with a firm tone and and light grip on his arm. "It's not a burden. Or… it's not a burden that I can't handle."

"Kaoru-"

"We're sharing with each other, ne?" She smiled. "That's what you said before. We're sharing our troubles and our pleasures with each other. And… even if it gets to be too much, we can always talk, and find some other way to help each other." She looked down at her hand on his arm, and he had moved to cover her hand with his own. "I love you too much not to try. Right?"

He closed his eyes for a moment, relishing her words. "Right." Then he looked into her eyes, loving the delighted smile he found there.

There was a voice in his head that still said that this couldn't work, that she would live to regret her words… but it was easier to drown out that voice, in the presence of her smile.

He decided they had talked enoughs for one night. He laid down on the engawa, holding on to her hand to pull her down with him. She laid on top of him, gently moving closer until their lips met.

They lay like that for a long time, gently kissing and running their hands over each other. The air felt warm and smelled of life and beginnings and…

"What a sight to greet me. I see my stupid apprentice has only grown more foolish with age."

Kaoru yelped and sprang up off him, her hand going to her mouth. Kenshin, a bit in shock, turned his head, only to be greeted by the amused smirk of his former master.

"Shishou? What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for the wedding, of course. Why _else_ would I be here?"

Kenshin stared up at the large form of his master for a few more seconds. Then he transferred his eyes over to Kaoru with an accompaning frown. She was blushing, and avoiding eye contact with either of them. "I see…"

Shishou sat down on the engawa with a flourish, crossing his arms and legs in his usual manner, his cloak draped rakishly behind him. "Now aren't you going to offer your guest some sake? Or have you forgotten all the manners I tried so hard to teach you?"

"Hai, hai," Kenshin said, as he sat up. He knew arguing would get him nowhere. So much for privacy.


	10. Changes

Thanks so, so much for all the reviews! It's a cliché, but posting a story really drives home how great they are.

Special shout out to **skenshingumi **and **orchid14**; I can't tell you how amazing it was to read your "live" reviews. I have a lot of things I want to say in response, but I'll have to dole those out slowly.

**skenshingumi: **Hm, I had to ponder a little about the rurouni-ness disappearing comment… You are right, even if that wasn't fully my intention. Part of it is of course, he's not a rurouni anymore. He's not even the exact same person he was at the start of the manga. Kyoto changed him, and Jinchuu changed him even more… In the epilogue bits we see of him (and just his character design later in the manga), he is seems a bit more serious, more settled. And since I'm only showing his perspective, I might be displaying less rurouni-ness than is even there.

**orchid14: **Yes, comparing to Tomoe isn't something I think he really does, in almost all cases, but for this, it was more that she's his only point of reference, so it sort of just has to come to mind. I'm so glad you're liking the story! I'd love to chat more about your feelings about Tomoe, and of course the live action movies :D

**R3dWr1t1ngH00d**: Oh man, the number of times I've done that… Glad you shared with your roommate J I do that to my friends all the time, and they just go with it.

**aerie50 (and everyone else who mentioned Aoshi): **I really love Aoshi as a character, though he's a bit of a cipher. That's part of what I love about him, that his actions and reactions don't necessarily reflect how he feels. I hope everyone likes where I take him going forward; I'm probably (if and when I have time) going to write another story focusing on him and Misao. She's also so much fun to write…

Everyone who was expecting Hiko to show up… ha, good call. It's a toss up if he or Aoshi is my second favorite male character… but you know, Hiko is kind of in a class all his own. Let's just say Hiko's my favorite magnificent bastard.

I want to get this chapter up, so I'll just end by thanking everyone who has reviewed, and keeps reviewing… I will say, I'm not going to start writing the next chapter until mid-March, because I'm currently working on a series of one-shots for "Women of Rurouni Kenshin Week" on Tumblr… so if that sounds like fun, watch for that! I'll be posting those here on .

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10<strong>

Kenshin and Kaoru sat awkwardly across from Hiko, while he drank sake and ate the leftover rice and fish Kenshin had whipped up for him.

Hiko seemed content to sit silently eating, so with some reluctance, Kenshin spoke.

"Shishou, how did you-"

"I hope the trip wasn't difficult, Hiko-san." Kaoru cut in. "Thank you so much for coming, you are very welcome here in our home."

"I thank you, Kamiya-san. I rarely travel, but such a pretty request was impossible to refuse." Hiko grinned at Kenshin. "See, _this_ one has some manners. You could stand to learn a few things from her."

Kenshin felt his face scrunch up and his mouth twist into a frown. He fought to control his temper, the temper that really only ever revealed itself in his master's presence. What _was _it about the man that made him feel like a ten year old boy again?

The answer was obvious, so Kenshin fixed his mind on the more interesting mystery before him. He turned to Kaoru with a questioning—he wouldn't admit it to be accusatory—look. "Pretty request?"

She had the decency to blush. "Well, I sent him an invitation, along with the others. Misao promised me that they'd get it to him."

That explained the line in Misao's answering letter, about fulfilling Kaoru's request, and delivering her regards to a certain someone. He had assumed it was about Tomoe, and hadn't wanted to press her further.

Kenshin looked back over at Hiko, who was calmly sipping his sake. "I see… well. It is good of you to come, Shishou." He realized he half meant it.

Hiko just grunted, and took another sip of sake.

"Are you planning on staying here, Hiko-san?" Kaoru asked. "Our other guests are staying at an inn, but you are very welcome-"

Kenshin let out a loud gasp, which caused Kaoru to send him a glare and Hiko to look up and laugh.

"Oh, I wouldn't miss out on your hospitality for the world. That one owes me, for all the years of food and lodging I gave him."

"Shishou…" Kenshin began, but the larger man interrupted.

"Well, I am tired, and you two seem to have better things to do than make awkward small talk with me. If you show me to a room, I'll leave you to it." He put down his sake dish, and threw his cape back, ready to stand.

Kaoru looked down at her hands, and her face grew pinker. "Shishooouuu—" Kenshin said, through gritted teeth.

"Oh, don't be so modest, stupid boy. The two of you are almost married, there's no need to act innocent about it."

Kenshin tried to think of something witty to say, about propriety, and all those manners his master liked to go on about, but nothing was coming to him. And in the end, Kaoru beat him at regaining the ability to speak.

"I will go prepare a room for you, Hiko-san." She smiled as she stood up, her cheeks slowly returning to a regular color. "Why don't the two of you talk for a bit, and I'll come and fetch you when it's ready?" She turned and left the room quickly.

Kenshin and Hiko sat silently for several minutes, Kenshin too annoyed to speak, Hiko apparently content to pick up the sake dish and continue drinking.

Finally Kenshin couldn't stand the silence, and said, "You know, we haven't… I mean, you shouldn't assume, to embarrass her about…"

Hiko snorted, and set down his sake dish again, putting his hands on his knees.

"You really _are_ a fool, Kenshin."

"Shishou, you're the one who…"

"The girl is clearly less embarrassed than _you_ are. And from what cause? It's not that I'm that surprised, given your general stupidity, but really, I'd have thought you more calm at _your_ age."

Kenshin had a lot of thoughts, a lot of things he considered saying to the man who _he might argue was the current and root cause_ of his lack of calm. But Hiko was now shaking his head, and spoke under his breath.

"I doubt if you've even really _thought_ about why I changed my mind, and taught you the ougi."

"Shishou?" Kenshin was confused. He knew why, his master had been impressed by the stories his three friends had told, of his ten years of wandering… and Hiko did not wish to defeat Shishio on his own… and… Hiko had wanted him to realize that there was a reason for him to live…

Kenshin tried to formulate his thoughts, and ask Hiko another question, but he heard Kaoru coming down the hallway. He decided he would have to ask Hiko about it later, when he was less agitated.

Kaoru returned to the room, finding Kenshin and Hiko sitting in a tense silence. Well, at least it was tense on _Kenshin's _end. Hiko's mood was the same as ever.

Before she entered the room, Kenshin rose, and walked over to her. He touched her shoulder and looked into her eyes, and she raised an eyebrow back at him. "I can show you to your room, Shishou," he said, projecting over his shoulder. More softly, so that only Kaoru could hear, he said "I'll meet you in your room in a moment, koishii."

Keeping her eyes on him, she nodded slightly, then moved into the room.

She bowed to Hiko, who was smiling once again. "Thank you again for coming, Hiko-san. I hope you have a pleasant night."

"Thank you, Kamiya-san. I'm sorry my stupid apprentice can be so difficult to handle. I tried my best, but what can you do?"

She giggled. "Oh, I think you did just fine! But I promise we will do our best to train our own children to do even better."

Hiko laughed, and rose suddenly, moving over towards Kenshin. "Well, show me to wherever you're stashing me for the night."

Kenshin led him down the hall, to the room farthest from Kaoru's. He had guessed right; that was where Kaoru had laid out a futon and placed a yukata and other necessities.

At the door, Kenshin turned, and looked back at his former master. The man was shrouded in darkness, the faint light from outside only just showing the planes of his face. He looked many years older in that light, almost like his true age.

"Well, let us know if you need anything." His anger was dissipating, as it did whenever he took a moment to remember all the things the man had done for him. Showing him to the spare room sent his mind back to the first night he had spent in Hiko's care… the fear he had felt, but also the immense gratefulness and hope, to have someone give him a clean bed again, to have someone care.

Hiko stalked into the room, and gave it a once over. "This will do fine." He swept his large cloak off, and Kenshin took that as a cue to leave. But Hiko called out to him, "And Kenshin…."

"Yes?" Kenshin answered, turning his head back.

"I'd like to get some sleep tonight, so the two of you keep it down, will you?"

Kenshin stalked away growling, escaping as fast as he could the sound of Hiko's laugh.

* * *

><p>"What a show! Not as good as kabuki in Kyoto, but I was still impressed!" Misao giggled excitedly, her arm through Kaoru's, as they slowly made their way home. The girls were leading the way, Aoshi and Kenshin trailing a little farther behind.<p>

"Nothing is as good in Tokyo, I bet?" Kaoru asked with a grin.

"Oh, of course not! Kyoto is the _only_ place for culture. Everybody knows that!"

Kenshin smiled from behind them. He imagined Yahiko would have called her on that, asking if a girl who ran around Japan dressed as a ninja could really judge such things, but Yahiko and Tsubame were needed to work at the Akabeko that night, and had missed the outing.

They had asked Hiko to come as well, when they had returned to the dojo that afternoon, after a full day of preparations for tomorrow's wedding. Hiko had snorted, and stated that if he was going to watch boys dressed as girls prance about on stage, then he'd have to be paid, not the other way around.

Kenshin had to say, the four of them made a handsome group. Had Yahiko been there, he certainly would have had very little cause to insult Misao _or _Kaoru's appearance that night. The girls made a pretty sight in front of them, both dressed in patterned kimonos, their hair done up high on their heads with ribbons and ornaments. Misao had complained when Kaoru had insisted on dressing her, but those complaints had died down as Kaoru and Kenshin went on and on about how beautiful she looked. If Misao was a bit unsteady on her feet, neither of them were foolish enough to mention it.

Aoshi seemed to be smiling a very little, looking at Misao, so Kenshin assumed he wasn't the only one thinking such thoughts.

"What did you think of the show, Kenshin, Shinomori-san?" Kaoru asked, turning her head to look back at the two men.

"There are worse ways to pass the time," Aoshi said, while folding his hands in his kimono sleeves.

"Oh, Aoshi-sama, that's not a real opinion!" Misao said, and let go of Kaoru's arm to fall back and walk between the men. "Kenshin, what about you? What did you think?"

"This one enjoyed it. Especially…" he thought for a moment, trying to hit on something to praise, "…the scenery."

"What one-track minds! If it doesn't have to do with swords, you don't care?" Misao said, crossing her arms and shaking her head.

Kaoru giggled, and waited a moment to fall in line with Kenshin. "Misao, don't be so hard on them. You can't expect everyone to be as cultured as you."

"Hm, I know, but I would have thought _Aoshi-sama_ at least would have more of an opinion. He's the most cultured of all of us!" She clasped her hands to her cheek, and closed her eyes, with her usual swooning sigh.

"If you say so." Kenshin said with a smile.

Misao dropped her hands and blushed, then turned to Kenshin."Hmph, I _do_ say so. Unless you think _you_ know more?"

"Mah mah, this one certainly wouldn't say that."

"We should turn down here, to go to our inn." Aoshi cut in.

"Oh, but Aoshi, it's still so early! Can't we go back to the dojo for a little bit? Just for a bit?" Misao grabbed his arm, a pleading look in her eyes. "I got all dressed up! And, I need Kaoru's help to get out of this…" She blushed, and dropped Aoshi's arm, realizing she was talking about undressing on a public street.

"Yes, come back with us, just for a bit!" Kaoru jumped in to mask Misao's embarrassment. "Tae sent us some sweets for the wedding already, we can sample them with a bit of sake."

Aoshi nodded with his eyes downcast, apparently resigned. "I suppose we should come by for a short while."

They continued chatting about the play the rest of the way home, with Kaoru and Misao keeping up most of the conversation, Kenshin adding a few remarks when called on, Aoshi silent yet smiling, at least with his eyes.

* * *

><p>Once back at the dojo, they pulled out several shous of sake, which tempted Hiko to leave his solitary spot in the garden and join them.<p>

After they had gone through a few bottles, it became clear Misao should not be allowed near sake.

"Aoshi-_sama_, must we return to Kyoto so soon? It's so _fun_ here! You are _much_ more fun in Tokyo…" She closed her eyes and giggled, which caused her to hiccup and lean her body on Aoshi's side, her head resting on his chest.

Though Aoshi's expression didn't change, the stiffness of his shoulders and neck indicated how uncomfortable he was by her intimate action.

Hiko grinned at them. "What amusing friends you have, Kenshin."

That made Misao to snap her eyes open and uneasily tip herself away from Aoshi to scowl at Hiko. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

Kenshin spoke up, hoping to calm her. "Shishou has spent very little time around other people. You shouldn't take anything he says very seriously."

But Misao was already leaning back against an awkward Aoshi, and loudly whispered towards Kaoru, "But I bet Kenshin's _very_ serious at night, right Kaoru?"

Kaoru hissed a quick "Misao" at the girl, but Hiko's roaring laughter meant Misao likely didn't hear.

Soon after that, Kaoru took a tipsy Misao to her room, to change back into her winter hakama, and once that task was complete, a stoic and sober Aoshi fetched her to return them to their inn.

Kaoru headed to bed shortly after the two had left, apparently done in by their guests, and the one or two small dishes of sake. And seeing the look Kenshin gave her, she could see that he wanted to talk to Hiko alone.

The two men sat silently drinking together on the engawa, adjusting to the quiet again.

After a few minutes, Kenshin began. "Shishou, last night you mentioned the ougi… I think I understand what you meant to say. It has to do with Kaoru-dono, does it not?"

"Hm…" Hiko hunched his shoulders forward, and let out a sigh. "Perhaps. Continue."

As always, they easily fell back into their mode of speaking from years before; any time the word "idiot" or "stupid" or "brainless" had not been attached to an reply regarding his training, Kenshin knew he was on the right track.

"You thought that if I had Kaoru-dono and the others to return to, I would remember I had a reason to live. I had to acknowledge that they needed me, and since I cared for them, I would have to care for myself on their account."

"Idiot."

Kenshin frowned. Hadn't that been the answer he had found, when he had performed the ougi for the first time? He had been sure that was what Shishou had explained to him.

"Let me continue," he said, letting out a sigh of his own. "Have you heard about what happened here, shortly after we returned?"

Hiko's eyes twitched, almost imperceptibly. He did not look away from his sake, though, a sure sign he was trying to mask his emotions. "I have."

"Then you know I realized even that wasn't enough. Kaoru was taken from me… and I gave up on living for a time." Kenshin had to pause there. "But deep down, I did still want to live. After fighting Yukishiro Enishi, I found a reason to continue living again."

Hiko did not respond, or move at all, hearing those words. They were both silent for a moment, before Kenshin found more words leaving his mouth. "But I'm not sure if I could do it again."

He looked down at his hands, which were shaking slightly. He was surprised… he hadn't admitted that before, not even to himself.

Hiko finally looked over at him. "And why is that?"

"Because… I do not know if I would still value my life, if she were truly gone."

Hiko exhaled, and took another sip. "At least you are not hiding from it, Kenshin. Attempting to control your feelings will get you nowhere." He made an impatient gesture, asking Kenshin to continue.

Kenshin took a deep breath. "After the wedding, I will be forever beholden to one person above all others. It is the person I most want to give happiness, in all the world, and yet… the idea of the change is still frightening me. I don't yet know how I will feel, once the change has come."

"Idiot."

"Shishou…"

"Do you really think a mere _ceremony_ will change you, change how you feel? You have already said why that concern is meaningless. _Think_ for once."

Kenshin eyes widened, realizing what he meant. "She already is the person I most want to give happiness."

All the build up of the last few weeks, it was a fallacy on his part, a projection of all the doubts about himself that he still carried. Hiko was right, and was pointing out the same thing as Aoshi had the night before. He was placing too much stock on this one point in time; he had already made the decision, and his unease was from having made the decision. The coming wedding was a just a symbol of that unease, not a cause.

"Good. You can remember back to a what you said a few seconds ago. There still is some small hope for you."

Kenshin sighed, and looked down at the sake dish in his hands, waiting for Hiko to say more. He knew the man well enough to know he wasn't finished.

"Let me give you some advice, Kenshin. My advice as an unmarried man, who only ever attached myself to one other person, a person who gave me much sorrow and disappointment."

Kenshin looked up at that, shocked to hear Hiko acknowledge feeling an emotion other than aggravation. He could count on his hands the number of times his master had done that. And for that emotion to be about _him_… it was totally unexpected.

"You are right to worry over making this girl your entire life. There are worse things to live for… but placing your whole sense of worth on one person will make both of you vulnerable, for what may come."

"I know that, Shishou-" Hiko cut him off with a look, and Kenshin quieted and looked away, unable to hold his master's gaze.

"Regardless of your _fear_ of change, no matter what else may happen, the two of you _will _change. People change. Not from a ceremony, not overnight, but over the course of your lives. With all the changes that will come for the two of you, you will find there will be ones that draw you closer together and ones that draw you further apart.

"_You _must find a way to be strong enough, to know that even when those changes happen, you have something inside yourself worthy of life. Something all your own, not tied to another individual, or to what you can do for others, not tied to your past, or even your future."

Kenshin finally looked up, and met Hiko's eyes, which had been fixed on him the whole time.

Hiko's voice softened, his gravelly seriousness giving way to a hint of compassion and genuine concern. "It may take you a long time to believe in that part of yourself. But do not give up searching for it. You may need it, in time."

Kenshin smiled slightly, though it did not reach his eyes. "If you, even now, think I lack this… why did you teach me the ougi, Shishou?"

His master's shoulder's relaxed somewhat from the tense position they were in throughout the conversation.

"You were mostly right, in what you said earlier. Of course I saw that the girl meant you had reason to live. But more than that, I could see _she_ recognized your worth, beyond what even I could see. If you could provoke such a strong regard in her, where all she wanted was to see you… it is not a man without worth, who does not know his own worth deep down inside, that can win such affection."

Kenshin felt his smile widen, and he hid his eyes behind his bangs. Hiko's words truly touched him. He knew how lucky he was, to have Kaoru's love, but to know it had that kind of power… His master knew exactly how to affect him.

Shishou smirked. "And as I said before, I did not teach you the sword to make you unhappy. That girl will make you happy, and you, her. You just need to get that idiotic head of yours fixed."

"Ah…" Kenshin felt himself relax as well. The normal sarcastic and abrasive Shishou he knew was back, their penetrating talk coming to a close.

"And stop teasing the poor girl. She wants to be yours, so give yourself to her. Unless you've forgotten how? Do you need another talk, man to man? I'm sure there were things I left out, you were rather young during our last talk-"

Kenshin blanched. "No, definitely not, I don't need to hear any more from you on the subject!" Their first talk had nearly scarred him for life… Hiko had gone on and _on _about the mysteries of the female body. In retrospect, it was possible he had just been trying to scare Kenshin away from the women of the nearby village. He had studiously avoided them for months, after that…

With a grin, Hiko rose from the engawa. "Well, in that case… I'll be off until morning."

"Really, Shishou, you don't have to-"

"It has been some time since I have been in this part of the country, I might as well explore it."

Kenshin knew Hiko was simply trying to be generous, and he was thankful. Though it was painful, he knew he had to say it. "Thank you, Shishou. I know that I am the person who has disappointed you most, but… thank you, for everything."

Shishou sneered. "Who said I was talking of you?" But the lie was there on his face. He turned and left, leaving Kenshin alone, to look up at the stars and to think on what they had discussed.

* * *

><p>As Kenshin made his way to Kaoru's room, his whole body felt light, his mind still turning over what Hiko had said. He realized he didn't want to feel unsure anymore; he wanted to banish any uncertainty from his mind, and start moving forward.<p>

When he opened the door, Kaoru's head popped up from the futon. So she was not asleep yet. He walked in with a smile for her.

"Did you… have a good talk with Hiko-san, Kenshin?" she asked.

He undid the belt to his hakama as he nodded. "Hai, I did. He… gave me some good advice, that he did." He pulled the garment down, and knelt to properly arrange it, so that it would not wrinkle.

"Oh? About?"

He removed his arms from his gi, careful folding it and putting it next to his hakama and undergarments. "About you, us, myself." He scooted over, getting into the futon with her.

She turned on her side to look at him, her eyes wanting more.

He laid on his back, looking at the ceiling, unsure how to ask for what he wanted. "Koishii… would you like to… could we, tonight…"

She leaned over and kissed him. With one hand on her back, he pulled her close, his other hand moving to the tie of her yukata. "Can I…"

"Yes, Kenshin. Anything you want, I want it, too."

"Anything?" He asked, eyes wide.

"We-ell, maybe not _anything_…" She blushed. "But… I want, I want more. More than what we've done."

He nuzzled his nose in her neck, and pushed her yukata open. "Yes, koishii, that's what I was thinking, too. I want more…"

"And, we'll be less tired tonight… than after a whole day spent with everyone and the party and – ah!" Kaoru stopped speaking, as Kenshin moved a hand lower and started stroking her.

His mouth covered hers, as she moved her hands around his back to grip his shoulders. His other hand tangled in the braid at her neck, pulling her forward as he scooted down, to have a better angle for his arm.

"Mmm—ah Kenshin!" she called out, as they broke their kiss, and Kenshin sat up, focused entirely on his task. She let go of his back, scooting her body down onto his hand in sync with his movements.

"Is this good? Should I… go faster?" he asked, already feeling elated, knowing he would soon join with her.

"Yes, yes, faster…" She placed her hands on him again, caressing his chest, then running her hands down, to touch him in return. Finding him already fully aroused, she paused. "Or, or you could, we could…"

He took in a large breath, then leaned down and kissed her nose. "In a moment. First…" He lightly gripped her under her thigh, and pushed her leg up close to her chest, then picked up the pace with his fingers. At the same time, he moved his mouth to her breast, teasing and sucking on her, rapidly feeling impatient to connect with her further.

"Ah! Ah… Oh Kenshin!" Her hands curled around the sheets, as she found her release. She panted and shifted beside him, beautifully flushed from her face to her chest.

Having achieved his goal, he let go of her leg, and moved from her side, to rest himself between her legs. He questioned whether it was too soon, whether he should keep going with his hands, but Kaoru was already regaining herself, and had moved her legs further apart.

"Kenshin… I love you." She beamed up at him, her smile highlighting her rosy cheeks and her bright eyes. He couldn't think of a time when she looked lovelier.

"I love you too, Kaoru…" He leaned down for another quick kiss, but she sucked on his lower lip, and he lay himself on her to continue the kiss for a while.

But his arousal was making itself known rather painfully in this position, and after a minute, he decided he wouldn't wait any longer.

"Are you… ready? This might hurt…" Kenshin asked, moving a hand down between them.

"Mm-hm."

Not wanting to lose his nerve, Kenshin brought himself forward, using his hand to guide himself slowly just inside, then he thrust his lower body until he was fully enveloped within her. A myriad of sensations rushed through his body… He desperately wanted to keep moving, but he paused, wanting to hear from Kaoru before he continued.

"Oh! Oh…" Kaoru's eyes were wide, her mouth open in surprise.

"Does it hurt?" He hadn't felt any resistance, but he needed to know.

"No, not at all… I like it." She still looked surprised, but her voice had taken on a breathy tone.

"You like it…" He looked down at her, giving her a surprised look of his own. Then he let out a small laugh. "You like it!" He peppered her face with kisses. "Well, I hope you will like _this_ more…"

Propping himself up on his elbows, he started moving again, getting a low moan from her as a reply. Using everything he had learned in their weeks together, he followed the sound of her voice, moving in time and changing his position and pace in response to her cries. She answered his motions in turn, tilting her hips to meet him, running her hands down his back and sides, at particular pushes calling out his name. He shifted onto his palms and grasped her waist, thrusting more forcefully, the change making him gasp. "Oh, Kaoru… you feel so _good…_"

But with that, despite his best efforts, he realized he could last no longer, the sweetness and excitement of the moment too much for his limited control. He felt his release coming, and was utterly unable to stop it from overwhelming him. In the back of his mind thinking how wonderful it felt to do so, and how much love he held for the woman beneath him, he lost all control of his actions and thoughts, and emptied himself inside her.

He collapsed into her arms, aftershocks of his release causing his hips to jolt erratically. Her hands started running through his hair, and he lazily thought about how indescribably wonderful her hands were…

"How do you feel, koishii?" His voice came out sleepily, but he needed to know.

"Very happy. And you?"

"More than happy." He practically exhaled those words, and she fidgeted a little beneath him, his breath tickling her.

"Happy and tired, it seems." She giggled.

He groaned back in mock protest. "Ah… that's how it always goes… you know that by now, koishii." He looked up at her with a silly grin. But then a thought returned to him, and he had to looked down for a brief moment. "Though, I had hoped to make it last longer… but, we can work on that." He looked up again, hoping she wasn't disappointed.

She kissed his forehead, and when she leaned back, he saw she had a full, open smile on her face. "Mm, I know. You should get some rest, anata. We have a busy day tomorrow."

"Anata…" She had never called him that before; he had only ever been "Kenshin" to her, from the moment he had told her his name. But the change didn't feel momentous, it felt… natural. He wished he had asked her to call him that weeks ago.

"You're mine, now, anata." She playfully whacked his head. "Now go to sleep."

He laughed. "Anything you say, koishii. Though… you should clean up quickly. I didn't necessarily mean to, well, be inside you when…"

"Oh." She thought for a moment. "Alright. I'll be right back."

Even though he had suggested it, he was reluctant to let her go. He rolled off her slowly, finally separating their intimate connection as he did so. Her leaving the futon caused cool air to waft over his sweat-covered body. He shivered slightly.

"I'll be right back," she said, shrugging on her yukata, before leaning down and giving Kenshin a kiss on his marred cheek. "Keep the futon warm for me."

By the time she returned, he was lightly dozing, but the feeling of her warmth near his chest roused him again. He pulled her into his arms and they fell into a contented sleep, together.

* * *

><p>They woke up at the same time, both knowing they needed to get up, and start getting ready for the day, but neither wanted to let go of the other.<p>

"We should get going, anata…"

"Yes, we should," Kenshin answered, but made no move to get up. He lazily drew a hand across her side, loving how soft she was there. He briefly contemplated asking if they could go again, but perhaps it would be better to wait until the night…

But then they heard a voice outside, followed by another. Kenshin quickly moved and grabbed his clothing, dressing as fast as possible. "Sorry, koishii, I forgot they were coming over so soon. You take your time, I'll go greet them." Once dressed, he moved for the door.

"Kenshin, your hair!"

He paused, and ran a hand through his hair, realizing it was thoroughly mussed. He laughed; if he showed himself to the others like this, they would definitely know what they had done the night before…

"Get over here, I'll help you." Kaoru giggled, and sat up, keeping the blanket around her.

Once he was presentable, he cautiously stuck his head out of her room, and seeing no one was in the hallway, left and made his way to the front of the house.

Aoshi and Misao were indeed there, along Yahiko, Tae, and several others, including…

"Okina! Everyone… did you just arrive?"

"Hai, we all came in on the train this morning! Congratulations, Himura!" Okina and the rest of the Kyoto Oniwabanshu came and greeted him.

By the time Kaoru joined them, Kenshin, with the help of Omasu and Okon, had gotten breakfast set up, and everyone was loudly laughing and talking, unable to catch up fast enough.

Just as they were finishing up breakfast, Hiko returned to the dojo. "Shishou, good morning," Kenshin called up, actually rather glad to see he had returned. Knowing him, he might have simply wandered off, after their talk the night before.

"Hmph. Seems you didn't save me anything to eat."

"No, I have something set aside for you, let me fetch it…" Kenshin went to the kitchen, to grab the meal he had set aside for his master, assuming the man would come late and insist on eating.

As he returned to the dining room, he saw the women had gathered around Kaoru, who was holding a bouquet in her hands, of red tsubaki flowers.

"Kenshin, isn't it nice, Hiko-san brought me flowers!"

"Hai… that is nice…" Kenshin looked over at Hiko.

"I thought those flowers would be meaningful for the day." Hiko smirked at Kenshin. "You know the full symbolism of tsubaki flowers, yes?"

Kenshin looked over at him, unsure where he was going. Hiko had far too amused an expression for it to be anything good, at least from Kenshin's perspective.

"Of course, for most, the red tsubaki flower simply symbolizes love. But for warriors, they are bad luck, their sudden wilting representing a quick and ungraceful death."

The room fell silent at that pronouncement, everyone shifting their gaze over to Hiko.

He continued. "But the warrior class is no more, and that meaning should hold no significance for the two of you." Kenshin allowed himself to relax for a moment, but Hiko wasn't finished. "There is another sudden change that the flower has often represented, that should be particularly meaningful to you two this morning." Kenshin had a sudden insight, but whatever he might have said to stop Hiko's next words didn't arrive in time.

"That being, of course, the change that happens when a maiden becomes a woman."

The silence continued for a moment, before Okina started roaring in laughter. Hiko, and the other Oniwabanshu men except Aoshi joined him after a moment, the women lightly giggling. Though Misao had the decency, perhaps after a talk from Aoshi the night before, to look embarrassed. Kaoru had hid her face in her hands.

Kenshin felt his face burn, and the desire to murder his Shishou flare in his veins.

"_Shi—shou_… _You_… _crude…_" Kenshin started, but Okina got up and moved over to him.

"Oh, do not fret Himura! Today is a day for celebration. Now, what would you have us do to help?"

Misao chimed in. "We're in charge of getting Kaoru ready, you all help Kenshin clean up the dojo, and get ready to go to the shrine himself!"

Kenshin glanced over at Kaoru, and saw she was calming down, her face still flushed, but her smile back in place. Their eyes met, and seeing at least a small hint of amusement in her face, he endeavored to let his annoyance go. Today would be a long day, but it was just one day, out of the countless days they would spend together. He squared his shoulders, and turned back to smile at Okina. "Yes, your help is much appreciated. Shishou, perhaps you would be _so good_ as to fetch us some water to clean the dishes? We are going to need quite a lot."

"Hmph, fine, boy, but only because you asked so nicely."

It was going to be a fine day.


End file.
